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Rob & Big

Season 3 E 2 • 01/15/2008

Rob and Big Black take a new-found hobby to the extreme when they discover turtle racing at a local bar.

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After hitting it off while filming DC Skateboarding videos, professional street skater Rob Dyrdek and his 300+ lb. bodyguard/pal Christopher "Big Black" Boykin have decided to live-it-up in style in the Hollywood Hills as roommates. On their first day in the house, Rob arrives at his new home to find Big Black relaxing in the pool, sporting only socks and "athletic support." With swim time officially over, the two head out for some street skating, where Big reveals his bulb-worthy idea to add a bulldog to their "family." After Rob busts some tricks, Big tries his luck on the board, but takes a hard spill. Still smarting, he musters up some manly athleticism back at the house and drops a heavy claim: he can run half- a-mile. A doubting Rob ups the ante and challenges him to a five-minute run for $500 cash. In a race against the clock, Big shuts down early and is forced to eat his words and suffer the consequences of a lost bet: a night outside in the tent. In the morning, Rob gives Big his special "rise and shine" treatment by launching off a wall, flying through the air and landing on top of his tent. There's a bulldog puppy in Arizona waiting to meet his proud papas -- and to be dubbed Meat Bag, aka "Meaty." But, before they jet off to bring him home, Rob puts together a welcoming gift basket of doggie essentials. When Meaty and Rob lock eyes for the first time, it's puppy love at first sight. At home, Rob and Big get ready for a big housewarming party by picking up ladies in the park and shaving Big's hairy back. Rob is full of surprises, providing Big with some bling for the evening, and scoring a special performance by Three 6 Mafia at the party. When the throwdown is deemed a success, the duo enjoys a little hangover prevention concoction and heads off to bed.

It's "Go Skateboarding Day," and Rob is ready to hit the streets. Although Big Black is a little hesitant about getting on a board again, Rob convinces him that today's the day to take a second chance. After a retail trip to outfit Big with a new skateboard to match his size, the two are ready to ride in Venice Beach. While Rob's busting some tricks, the duo sees a skateboarding bulldog and Rob becomes hell-bent on getting Meaty to ride on all fours. At Rob's buddy Johan's house, Big reluctantly agrees to tempt fate and drop in on the mini-ramp. The big bodyguard steps up to the challenge, but lands square on his backside. Later that night, Rob proves his loyalty and steps up as the best friend to slather more than a little Icy Hot on Big's ailing butt. On the way to a skate demo the next day, the boys run afoul of the law, but Big won't stop until he reaches his destination. Rob jokes that they're being accused of "ridin' dirty," but the officer only charges the boys for tinted windows ... and now failing to stop for an emergency vehicle. Later, Rob hopes to make magic by fitting Meaty with his own Dyrdek deck and takes him for a skateboarding lesson. While Tyson the bulldog rides circles around Rob's pup, Meaty wants nothing to do with the board, crushing Rob's dreams for his own skateboarding bulldog.

Back at the Rob and Big ranch, Rob spreads the good news that the two have landed a deal with EA Sports and are going to be forever riding together in a skateboarding video game. Rob and Big are headed on a vacation to mix business with pleasure by stopping at EA in Vancouver, Canada, and then off to Rob's Ohio hometown. On the way to EA Sports, Rob stops off at one of his favorite skateboarding parks in the world, where he hits some tricks and occasionally the pavement. In EA game land, Rob tries out the skate game and gets psyched for motion capturing and spandex suits. After the 'mo cap' is done, the pair heads over to the park for a round of skate hockey and Rob knocks in his first goal. In Ohio, Rob spends some much-needed down time with his family. After downing some of his mom's Jello Salad (it's a salad, not dessert), Rob and Big get the celebrity treatment from the neighborhood teenagers, who want the hot gossip about Orlando Bloom and Avril Lavigne. With a little tuck-in time from Mom, the two are off to bed to rest up for a big fishing trip in the morning. When the fishing trip with Dad is deemed unsuccessful, Rob and Big hit up Kings Island Amusement park. The two rack in the prizes and spread the love by giving out their plush toys to tots around the park. But, since Big can't fit in the roller coaster, the two opt to turn things scary and saddle into a big kids ride, flying through the air with only a wire supporting their weight. After a little more skateboard action at one of Rob's outdoor skate parks, the two are ready to hit the road back to the Hollywood Hills, and Rob shares a tearful goodbye with his mom. At the end, the two remark that, 'there ain't no place like home.'

After watching Big cook up a breakfast of sausage, egg and biscuits while munching on a burger, Rob decides its time for a change. The mission: turn Big into a lean, mean, fighting machine. When an average household scale proves incapable of gauging Big's weight, a quest for a scale that won't be overloaded is launched. A stop at Curves sees them bust a move and nearly the scale, when Big pins their device at its top figure of 400 pounds. The only place they can get a grab a true weigh-in is at the local recycling center, where the industrial scale registers 416. Since Rob hypnotized himself onto the path to success with his skating career, he lines Big up for similar treatment to give him the 'mental edge' to get fit. Unfortunately, things don't go according to plan, with both Rob and Big are lulled to sleep by the hypnotist's voice. Later, Rob catches Big with his face in a fast food bag, and he insists on taking him to a nutritionist, who tells them that the key to success lies in portion control. Not buying that advice, Rob decides its time to take matters into his own hands. He buys Big a bike and puts him through Dyrdek boot camp -- a routine to ride, swim and pump iron to work off some weight. But when Big steps up three weeks later to see how much he's lost, they find that the scale tells the same tale. Discouraged, Big heads back to the nutritionist -- sans skeptical Rob. When she tells him to stick to the portion control plan and have an occasional burger, Big -- and his belly -- couldn't be happier.

It's Rob's birthday, and Big decides to wake up his best friend by planting Meaty's smelly backside in his face. Big also gives him fair warning -- if the skater goes anywhere near the pool, he's going to be thrown in for a little swim. Rob's cousin/personal assistant Drama complains to Rob about not having any cash, but Rob can't take him seriously when he's sporting $350 shoes and ice around his neck. When Meaty's stinky trap door makes Rob's home smell like beef, Rob recruits his cousin for help as he shampoos down his smelly pup. There's news of a hot wing competition called Lord of the Wings, and the boys are ready to win. But, before they can take on some meat-eating, Rob wants to squeeze in some skating. At a local high school, the pair runs into some trouble when a security guard gets in their way, but Big steps up and makes sure Rob gets in some tricks before they hit the road to the next phase of the celebration -- tattoos. As Big gets another stud in his ear, Rob gets branded with 'Relentless.' Big decides to join in the party and gets Double B's on his forearm. When Rob returns home to deck out in all white for his surprise party, Drama has some bad news. After a full scrub down, the doggie salon has decided the bulldog has a serious problem with his bum. It's off to Big Wang's for the wing-eating competition, and Big puts on a trash bag bib to stay clean while eating the competition. In the title fight, Big doesn't measure up and Rob is trophy-less. But on the way out, the crew makes sure they 'take' the trophy home, anyway. At the surprise party, Rob and Big celebrate in style, and Rob comes home to a three-tiered wedding/birthday cake from Big. Rob decides it's time for a food fight, so Big takes him outside for a swim.

Rob and Big have been rocking out their house in the Holly wood Hills for over a month, but Big still hasn't unpacked. Rob decides that it's time to spruce up the place, so the two hit the road to go make the house official with a little flair. First, it's off to the mattress store for a Big-sized bed. Rob jumps from bed to bed (literally) trying to find the perfect match for his buddy. On the way home, the two find a wallpaper store where Big can find a mural backdrop. Although the store can't fulfill Big's desire for a wilderness scene with two bears fighting, he settles for the 'Golden Dawn' forest. At home, the two opt to stick it up themselves, which leads to a wrinkled wall and Meaty downing a mouthful of paste. The next day, Rob wants to make their family portrait vision a reality. With Meaty and Big in tow, the trio recreates the famous Death Row poster shot. Riding back in their black and gold-chain outfits, Rob finds just the flair Big's room has needed. Pulling over at a local antique store, he bargains for a wooden tiger sculpture to complete the wilderness look. To complete the house, Rob recruits his buddy Brent to build a skate park in his backyard. When he goes to check out the craftsmanship, he finds a sticky situation -- Meaty has ransacked the garbage and downed the leftover wings. When he finds the puppy, Meaty isn't moving around with his usual spunk, and Rob finds a bulge in his side that could only be one thing -- a chicken wing. The boys immediately bring him to the animal hospital, where the doctors inform the guys that Meaty has had a seizure. He has ingested a few bones, and while they can be broken down without surgery, they want to keep the dog overnight so he can pass the bones under surveillance. Twenty-four hours later, Meaty is ready to roll home, and to Rob's surprise, he's ready to ride on the skateboard. As they look at the family portraits on the wall, it's clear this house has finally turned into the home.

When Meaty starts taking dumps around the house, Rob and Big bring in a professional to sort out their puppy's pooping problem. Patrice the Animal Psychic suggests that Meaty's manner problems may stem from the lack of a female figure in his life, so the guys head to Meet a Mate in search of the perfect match. Unimpressed with Rob's affinity for 'dime piece' strippers, the matchmakers hope to set the guys up with true loves. But, when Rob calls his blind date to work out the details, the guys think the punk rocker/singer combo have the potential to be a duds. Rob instructs his best friend to scoop him up and walk if things start getting out of hand during the evening. Out doing work skating, Rob runs into some problems with security. Big bellies up to the officer and throws down his weight so that Rob can get the job done. As the boys get ready for their big dates, Rob hopes for hotties. But as the limo pulls up, the girls fall short of Rob and Big's expectations. Regardless, Rob and Big follow through with the evening, taking the girls mini-golfing and out to karaoke night, where they give their own rendition of "Ebony and Ivory." The next morning, Big rags on Rob for making out with the punk rocker in the limo. Rob hides under his sheets in embarrassment, especially when he remembers his date was 37, not 27. Rob decides that from now on, he's finding Meaty's mom the old fashioned way -- Myspace.

The season finale finds Rob grappling with life and death issues, questioning Big Black's protection abilities and working on his last will and testament. Oh yeah, there's also Big's proposed entry into the male hygiene market: the "man-pon." Rob's been dreaming that Big can't save him from getting capped, and Big decides to prove his worth as Rob's keeper. But before a trip to the lawyer, where Rob gets all emo talking about an untimely demise and leaving Big his most important worldly possessions -- whips, plasma screens, leftovers in the fridge -- Big introduces the man-pon, a personal product he envisions for the guy on the go who's got to go. It's something that, in a pinch, he feels this could save a guy who's got to pinch. Big does indeed leave some severe skid marks ... on the raceway where he takes his act to learn some action-movie steering skills. He demonstrates a questionable level of success in testing them out in a simulated car chase behind the wheel of a ghetto version of the General Lee. Fake it 'til you make it, boys! After their lesson in ridin' dirty, the gruesome twosome busts out their best Jackie Chan moves at a karate dojo. During their sparring match, Rob tries to take down his larger-than-life opponent but quickly gets served by 400 pounds of Big Black. Still concerned for Rob's ultimate safety, it's off to a shooting range where two fine female shooters peg them with paint, and Rob takes a bullet in the butt. The double duel doesn't last as long as it otherwise might have as Big feels a deadly dump coming on. With no man-pon in place, he doesn't want to risk gambling and losing, so they quickly pack it in and head home. Back at the crib, Big's Spidey sense tells him that something's amiss. Finally -- a chance to try out those stealth moves! Big carefully cases the joint with Rob tiptoeing cautiously behind. Lo and behold, he's on the money! Someone's been sleeping in Rob's bed... er... hanging out in his pool. Big pulls out his paintball piece and nails the aquatic offender -- an unsuspecting Drama (Rob's cousin) -- who's innocently vacuuming up the yukky muck at the bottom of the pool. But, had this been a REAL emergency, it's agreed that Rob is in good hands, and their bond of brotherhood is cemented.

Rob and Big buy mini horse.

An airbrushed van leads Rob and Big Black on a quest to travel through time with Rob's "Hyper-Dimensional Resonator."

Rob is thrown deep into the "Dirty South" when Big Black invites him to Sylvarena, Mississippi, for the Boykin family reunion.

Rob and Big Black call out Drama, Rob's cousin, for being a lazy assistant and decide to put him on “waivers” until he shapes up.

Big Black reveals to Rob that he used to be a male stripper with the stage name "Black Lavender" for a brief time back when he had a full head of hair.

After five years away from professional skate competitions, Rob decides to enter the world famous Tampa Pro contest in Tampa, Florida.

Rob reinvents himself as Bobby Light, a self-proclaimed "one hit wonder, R&B sensation."

In the season two finale, Rob and Big Black both add a new car to their growing collection of vehicles.

When Rob and Big Black discover a "mystery poop" floating in the pool, they turn into amateur crime-solvers , eyeing Drama, Rob's cousin/assistant, as the prime-suspect.

Rob and Big Black take a new-found hobby to the extreme when they discover turtle racing at a local bar.

Rob and Big Black think it's high time to show off their beloved animal by entering him in a mini-horse competition. However, the only competition available is in far-off Santa Rosa, California.

Meaty goes to Hollywood

Rob and Big Black try to land themselves on the cover of a cereal box, but discover that the world of print modeling is not as easy to crack as they had hoped.

Smashing records is the name of the game when Rob picks up a copy of The Guinness Book and sets his sights on breaking every skateboarding record listed.

Big Black tries to convince Rob that there are hardships to being a big man in America. Unconvinced, Rob decides to find out for himself by agreeing to be fitted for a head-to-toe fat suit.

A charitable ice cream man inspires Rob and Big Black to begin their own altruistic crusade, ranging from handouts at skid row to spending time with frisky seniors at an old folks home.

Big indulges Rob by taking him to a "street shaman" who is promoting a new age therapy. Convinced of the therapy's benefits, Rob sets out to balance his chaotic life, improve his skating, and win the California State Lottery.

The Best, Worst and Unused

Rob and Big Black look back on Season 3 and weigh in on their victories and disappointments. They also screen several "unused moments" as well as some sneak peeks at moments yet to come.

Big Black makes it his mission to find a nice girl for Rob to settle down with. The boys also buy remote control helicopters that are harder to fly than they had anticipated.

To properly celebrate Drama's 21st birthday, Rob and Big Black decide to round up the whole crew and charter a party bus to Las Vegas.

Meaty is fourteen (in dog years) and Rob wants to throw him a "Super Sweet Fourteen" birthday party.

Rob can't resist his old habit of playfully harassing his mom when he and Big Black welcome the Dyrdek family to Los Angeles. While showing his family around Hollywood, Rob almost gets arrested when he takes a prank too far.

Rob and Big Black head south of the border to Cancun Mexico for some much needed fun in the sun.

Rob and Big Black try their hand at ghost busting after Rob feels the presence of an otherworldly spirit in the house. The discovery of a rat infestation leads Rob to suspect that supernatural forces are at work.

Big Black breaks the news to Rob that he is expecting a baby. Together they try to prepare Big Black for fatherhood, while at the same time coming to terms with the fact that their lives are about to change forever.

04/15/2008