In her latest maneuver to squash the haters and assert her dominance over the planet, “princess of pop” and businesswoman extraordinaire Taylor Swift has decided to take ownership over her lyrics to the next level.
Newly uncovered legal documents from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office reveal that two days before 1989 was released, Taylor applied to trademark a select bunch of phrases from the now-platinum album.
The list includes:
“Party Like It's 1989”
Because clearly, Taylor and Taylor alone owns all celebratory rights to that year.
“This Sick Beat”
I actually think this is fine and reasonable because — no offense, Tay — but people don’t really say this IRL unless they’re singing “Shake It Off.” This one’s all yours, girl.
“'Cause We Never Go Out Of Style”
I know you Swifties probably want to engrave this phrase onto matching gifts for you and S.O. this Valentine’s Day, but may I suggest “they are the hunters, we are the foxes” instead?
"Can Show You Incredible Things"
Only Taylor knows about incredible things, and only she can show them to you. Duh.
“Nice to meet you. Where you been?”
Because this is apparently a one-of-a-kind, never-before-uttered phrase.
To get an idea of how serious Taylor is about all this, she has 16 separate trademark applications pending for “this sick beat,” including but not limited to non-medicated toiletries, bean bags, ornamental buttons, paper products, all-purpose carrying bags, lanyard and wind chimes. Yes, wind chimes.
OK, so this may seem like a silly move on Taylor’s part, but it actually shows off her savvy business strategy. Much like Beyoncé’s recent stand against Etsy’s Feyoncé merchandise, this is Tay’s way of making sure she’s the only one who profits from her work. After all, merchandise sales are huge sources of income for artists — even ones who sell over a million albums in one week.
Now, about that "party like its 1989" ornamental bath soap you were planning to make...