11 Things ‘The Force Awakens’ Needs To Be A Real ‘Star Wars’ Movie

We're ready to go back to a long time ago!

Creating a new "Star Wars" movie means balancing on a fine line between nostalgia and innovation. On the one hand, your audience presumably loves the movies that came before (and so do you, in director J.J. Abrams' case), so you want to have room for plenty of Easter eggs and references. On the other hand, you can't make the same movie over again, because people have already seen that movie -- you have to do something new.

It's obviously too soon to tell, but so far we think "The Force Awakens" is moving in the right direction. Still, it would be cool to see the movie give some knowing nods to the two trilogy openers that came before it, "Star Wars: A New Hope" and "The Phantom Menace."

How could they do that? Oh I am SO glad you asked:

It needs to open with a spaceship.



Literally every "Star Wars" movie opens like this, right after the scrolling text, and it's always great. After all, what's the point of telling a story about space if you're not going to open it up with some space? Although, I'm curious to see whether or not they'll subvert that trope the same way they did with the Star Wars Celebration trailer -- by showing us the wreckage of a ship instead.

Somebody needs to get captured.


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In "Phantom Menace," Queen Amidala is barred from leaving her palace under the Trade Federation's observation, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jin are forced to break her out. In "A New Hope," Leia is taken captive by Darth Vader and Luke and Han have to break her out. Clearly somebody needs to get caught by the First Order, but our best guess is that it's not the girl this time -- it's gonna be Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac), judging from the behind-the-scenes footage we saw at Comic-Con.

Our heroes have to try to escape the desert...


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Both "A New Hope" and "The Phantom Menace" prominently featured a Skywalker trying to get the heck off of Tatooine, although for very different reasons. The desert in "The Force Awakens" is part of a new planet called Jakku, so it's not going to be exactly the same -- but come on, no one wants to be sweating in a big bulky stormtrooper outfit for that long.

...And a terrible alien.



Jabba the Hut (and by extension Greedo, the bounty hunter who comes after Han Solo) is for sure the king of evil desert aliens, but he's got competition in Watto, who's both an awful person AND a very unfortunate ethnic stereotype. We know Lupita N'yongo is playing a "space pirate" with a castle full of smugglers and other nefarious beings in "The Force Awakens," so fingers crossed she fills this role.

"I've got a bad feeling about this."



Someone has to say it. Maybe more than one someone. Maybe even more than someone and also a droid. Either way, it's gonna happen.

A very deliberate lack of romance (but maybe some sexual tension).


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Sure, Luke and Han were both into Leia when they met her in the Death Star, but there was clearly no time for love in the first movie. Same deal with the star-crossed lovers of the prequels, Anakin and Padmé -- although okay, maybe not the same thing because Anakin was nine years old and Padmé was fourteen, which makes for a weird age gap. But either way, the effect remains intact: nobody kisses anybody until we figure out who all our characters are and how we would best like to ship them. Platonic Rey and Finn besties, please!

A mentor needs to die.


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Obi-Wan died. Qui-Gon Jinn died. It's probably gonna be Luke Skywalker this time. Sorry, buddy.

Actually, a LOT of people need to die.



Like, the entire planet of Alderaan, a Death Star full of Imperial workers, at least an entire army of droids, and at least two or three minor characters that we maybe care about a little bit. (Porkins! Not Porkins!) This shouldn't be too hard to accomplish given that most blockbuster movies these days are required to destroy at least one major metropolitan area in their third act.

There needs to be a big climactic space battle at the end.


"Star Wars" ended with the Rebels destroying the Death Star. "The Phantom Menace" ended with the planet of Naboo destroying the Trade Federation's blockade. It's official: something has to get blown up in "The Force Awakens."

Somebody gets real cleaned up at some point.



One of the most fun things about the "Star Wars" universe is its unusual and elegant sense of fashion -- Amidala had some great costumes in "Phantom Menace," and of course everyone turned up looking nice during the final award ceremony of "Star Wars." Obviously it would be easy to just stick Rey in a dress and be done with it, but I'd rather get everybody all nice and fancy for...

The obligatory John Williams score showcase that ends the movie.



You ever notice how there's never any dialogue at the end of a "Star Wars" movie, just dancing, loud marching music, and maybe an occasional Wookiee roar? Seriously, it's so iconic that when you take the music out of one of these scenes, it becomes the most awkward filmed experience known to man. Odds are, this new movie will end the same way.

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