We're still not over the second teaser for "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" that was released today at Star Wars Celebration in Anaheim. Like, seriously, not over it. Is it possible to break a Youtube player by repeating a video so many times?
And because we're not over it, we figured you wouldn't be either, so let's hold on to this nerd high we're all feeling and go second by second through the whole thing in obsessive detail. What, like you had more WORK to do today? Cancel your Tosche Station plans already and get hype!
Dat Opening Shot
I could literally write a paper on how utterly fantastic this opening image is, but I'll try to make it brief. The beginning of this teaser immediately and powerfully evokes the very first scene you see in the original "Star Wars" film (after the opening crawl of text, of course), of a massive Star Destroyer silently gliding through space as it overtakes Leia's consular ship.
Now the Star Destroyer is back, but in a much different context -- this one is buried in sand, broken and abandoned (on a planet Jakku, mind you, NOT Tattooine) as a speeder rolls by. Right away, you get the sense that this is the galaxy far far away that we remember and love, but that it's fundamentally different -- and that maybe the Rebels are on much better footing than they started.
Many consider the prequel trilogy to be so stilted precisely because it hinges on the story of Anakin Skywalker, whose fate we already know going in. So it's nice to know that his part is, at least in some part, definitely over. Also, I want to see some Vader skeleton cosplay this year at Comic Con. That would be rad.
The Force Is Strong
The iconic line from "Return of the Jedi" is given a new context that works even better than it did the first time (admit it, that's a pretty clunky way to tell somebody they're your sister), as Luke speaks to a member of the new generation -- at least, that's what we're guessing.
Although, we're not sure why he's speaking about his father in the present tense. Maybe Vader ISN'T gone??
Passing The Batonsaber
Here we have looks like an older, more wrinkled hand giving a lightsaber to a younger one -- whose wrap-like sleeves sort of look like the ones that Daisy Ridley is wearing in later scenes. Is this Leia passing down her legacy to her daughter?
X-Wings! X-Wings! X-Wings!
Look at how X-cited Oscar Isaacs is! (Come on, I had to)
So Much Running
The production's commitment to practical effects really seems to be paying off, because there's something so satisfying about the way this brief moment of running is shot. You can just imagine the camera rig they set up for it, know what I mean?
Kylo Ren is Kylo Rad
What was that about a cross-hilt lightsaber being unfeasible? We can't hear you over the sound of how freaking awesome it is.
Stormtroopers Have Some Creepy Smiles Now
We now have a new use for the :3 emoticon. Seriously, I can't unsee it.
Daisy Ridley Looks A-REY-zing
Hello, new female "Star Wars" character! I like your sweaty "I don't have time to put it in a super fancy princess 'do because I've got stuff to do" hair. Let's hope you live up to our admittedly high expectations.
We're All Fine Here, How Are You?
I almost feel bad about all the explosions -- especially when you see that one poor guy on the right who's upside down in the air -- except then I remember that this is the Empire and we hate them. Except...
Stormtroopers Are People Too
They're so bad at shooting and so good at dying that we forget there are people under those helmets -- like John Boyega, for example. Aw, now I feel bad again.
Who's This Now?
Confident gait, strong shoulders, fancy armor, stiff military posture -- could that be Gwendoline "Brienne of Darth" Christie under there? Please say yes, Lucasfilm.
BB8 is already our favorite.
Two things I love about this: one, that Rey is clearly the one who knows what she's doing compared to Finn, who's on the ground and generally just a mess. Two, he doesn't even grab her hand -- he goes for the arm grab instead. I'm probably reading too into this, but that feels like an inherently platonic move to me -- and while it would be totally fine if Finn and Rey did end up together, I appreciate that I'm not getting a "love interest" vibe from either of them yet. These two are team players, and that's what's really important in a Star War.
And Then Who Is THIS?
Lupita Nyong'o? Adam Driver, if our assumption that he's playing Kylo Ren is wrong? Domhnall Gleeson? Somebody else we don't even know about yet?
Never Tell Us The Odds
TELL me that watching the Milennium Falcon duck and dive through the narrow corridors of a derelict Star Destroyer doesn't remind you of that time Lando navigated his way through the trenches of the Death Star with the same ship. Hopefully Han is better at making sure parts of it don't fall off...
Sort of wish I were Chewbacca right now because then I'd have a face full of fur that could catch all these TEARS.
It's okay, fellow nerds: you have until "The Force Awakens" hits theaters on December 18 to collect yourselves -- and then (hopefully!) have your minds blown all over again.