We know how it is: You'd like to go to the movies this weekend, but you're possessed by a pesky demon who's something of a homebody. But you can have a multiplex-like experience with the right collection of DVDs, and all without setting foot out the front door. So when someone asks you on Monday, "Hey, did you see The Last Exorcism this weekend?" you can say, "No, but I saw the last of that damned priest after I condemned his soul to hell forever-- er, no, why do you ask?"

INSTEAD OF: The Last Exorcism, a mock-documentary about a charismatic Baton Rouge preacher who gets more than he bargained for when he embarks on what he plans will be his final ceremony to drive out evil spirits...

WATCH: The Exorcist (1973), the granddaddy of religious horror movies, and one that The Last Exorcism is a clear reaction to, in many ways. For the movie that ignited the current fashion for is-it-real-or-isn't-it? documentaries, revisit The Blair Witch Project (1999), which also makes a less-is-more style go much further than you imagine it can. Religion gets a funnier but just as pointed tweaking in the black comedy Saved! (2004), about piety-fueled adolescent conformity at a Christian high school. For a peek at the kind of religious-minded idiot horror movies Exorcism is slyly poking fun at, check out the very bad The Reaping (2007), in which Hilary Swank battles Biblical plagues, also in deepest, Jesus-iest Louisiana.

INSTEAD OF: Takers, in which a gang of elegant and mostly nonviolent bank robbers, led by stylin' Brit Idris Elba, break one of the rules that has made them successful, and so risk getting caught by diligent cop Matt Dillon...

WATCH: Quick Change (1990), one of the wittiest heist movies ever made; the robbers' sneaky getaway trick is mirrored in the Takers' sneaky trick for getting into a bank. For another sophisticated theft by a somewhat more downscale gang, don't miss the little-seen The Bank Job (2008), in which Jason Statham finds the clever break-in he's leading going wrong in ways he never could have imagined. For more of Idris Elba as a bad guy -- but a much dumber one -- don't miss the darkly funny RocknRolla (2008), the most recent of Guy Ritchie's mockney crime capers. For more of Matt Dillon as a much less noble cop, see Crash (2005) for his sharp performance as a racist LAPD officer.

That's it for new wide releases this week. Rob Reiner's charming retro teenage romance was supposed to go wide this week, but for some reason, it isn't. So most of you have no choice but to go with DVD alternatives for...

INSTEAD OF: Flipped, in which a teenaged boy (Callan McAuliffe) and a teenaged girl (Madeline Carroll) in suburban 1960s America learn how tough falling in love can be...

WATCH: My Girl (1991), for another story about a powerful friendship between a girl (Anna Chlumsky) and a boy (Macaulay Culkin), and about navigating the tough years of early adolescence. Or try Lucas (1986), in which a teenaged boy (Corey Haim) learns what heartbreak is when his best friend (Charlie Sheen) falls in love with the girl he's also in love with. For Rob Reiner's other look at the borderland between childhood and adulthood, don't miss his Stand by Me (1986), about the last boyhood adventure of a gang of friends. For a retro childhood tale with a European twist, check out My Life as a Dog (1985), about a boy in 1950s Sweden who comes of age over a summer away from his family and among strangers.

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There is no MaryAnn Johanson there is only Zuul at FlickFilosopher.com. (email me)