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47 Reasons Salem From 'Sabrina The Teenage Witch' Is Your Spirit Animal

His interests include eating pizza and taking over the world.

Before Alex Russo (Selena Gomez) bewitched us on Disney Channel's "The Wizards of Waverly Place," there was Sabrina Spellman (Melissa Joan Hart). "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," a TV show based on a comic book series under the same name, blessed small screens everywhere from 1996 to 2003.

Sabrina is a 16-year-old witch living in Massachusetts with her two aunts, Hilda and Zelda, and her pet cat, Salem Saberhagen. Except Salem isn't actually a cat. Or at least, he wasn't always a furry feline. Once upon a time, he was a witch too. But then he tried to embrace his inner villain and take over the entire world. Not cool, right?

That's what the Witch's Council thought, so they punished him by transforming his human self into a talking cat forevermore. (And when we say forever, we mean forever. We bet there's a "Sabrina" rerun playing on some channel somewhere in the world right this very second.)

Throughout the series, Salem is like a talking version of the internet's beloved Grumpy Cat. Salem whines, he eats, he grumbles, he parties and then he eats some more. We love him because he just gets it, y'know? Whatever you're thinking or feeling on the inside, Salem's the cat who will say it loud 'n' proud to the entire world. Here's why you can't get enough of this famous black cat:

He knows his purpose in life

Purpose

He says exactly what's on his mind

Wants

He's experienced heartbreak

Love

He's persuasive

Persuasive

His sarcasm is on point

Sarcastic

He looooves food

Food

Like REALLY loves food

Pancakes

He eats his feelings...

Eats feels

...like, every feeling. Good or bad.

Happy

*nom nom nom*

Nom

Seriously, we need a pizza in here, stat

Pizza

Salem is HANGRY.

He appreciates a good bubble bath

Shower

He puts up with Sabrina's bullsh-t

Sabrina

He was the original Catfish

Pretending

He spends a lot of time thinking about the deep stuff

Questions

He's ambitious in a harmless way...

Grooving

...and ambitious in an evil way

Ambitious

He knows how to impress the ladies

Ladies

He can save you from a fire

Fireman

Or at least, he looks like he can. Salem should befriend these fearless felines that rule New York City's firehouses.

He lives life on the edge...

Edge

...but he's not afraid to show his emotions

Emotions

He has big weekend plans

Weekend

He enjoys beverages with paper umbrellas

Drink

He does girl talk

He talks girl talk

He has personal space issues

Personal space

He takes time to reflect upon himself

Reflective

He has regrets

Curse

He gets lonely sometimes

Alone

He makes dumb mistakes...

Mistakes

...but he learns from them

Learns

He went through an angsty teen phase

Phase

So did you.

He makes it rain

Money

He apologizes when necessary

Sorry

He probs has a sicker ride than you do

Car

He's always prepared for a party

Party

He can play the piano...

Piano

Just look at that bowler hat, would ya?

...and the accordion...

Accord

...and spin, too!

Tables

He's basically ready to drop the next big track.

He's perfected the evil cackle

Cackle

He's honest

Honest

Like, brutally honest

Brutally

He understands the bad hair day struggle...

Hair

...and the food baby struggle

Weight

He's got big things to do

Big things

He falls in loooooove

Better

And most importantly, he knows EXACTLY who he is...

Who he is

...a KING!

King