For all the scripted onstage jokes last night about the relative spherical golden-ness of Jennifer Lopez's, um, globes, last night's Golden Globes were also a hotbed of unrestrained, spontaneous, off-the-cuff grabbing of famous people's body parts... y'know, as per usual.

Whether it's the potent combination of free-flowing alcohol and free-roaming celebs, or the sheer giddiness of being at an awards show that isn't the super-serious Oscars, the Globes always includes a moment or two at which someone makes a play for a celebrity's fleshy bits, to the great delight of everyone present (except, sometimes, the celebrity herself.) Below, we've rounded up the best of 'em. Ladies and gentlemen, these are the Golden Gropes.

Kevin Spacey brings his grab-ass game

Although he ultimately kept his hands to himself, Kevin politely offered to grab the behind of a reporter on the red carpet for the full Francis Underwood Experience. For reasons nobody will ever understand, she declines.

Bill Hader reaches across space and time

Realizing that he was sharing a split screen with Guiliana Rancic and Kristin Dos Santos, Bill pulled off the most high-tech groping of the entire night. It couldn't have been better if he'd actually touched her.

Chrissy Teigen gets ready to give John Legend a good lickin'

The camera cut away before any tongue-to-husband contact, but we're pretty sure it happened (he was obviously returning the favor in this pic taken at a Globes after-party.)

Jennifer Aniston pats Kate Hudson's booty

And finally, she didn't win for "Cake," but Jennifer Aniston certainly got a handful of hot buns last night.