What were our lives like before Anna Kendrick started performing in movies, became famous and then got a Twitter account? Probably just sitting around moping with absolutely no joy in our hearts. The woman is a comedy mastermind who brightens our day with her hilarity.
In honor of her 30th birthday (August 10), here are 30 different times that Kendrick had us busting a gut over her insight and wit:
"I'm so humble it's crazy. I'm like the Kanye West of humility."
"I like my men like I like my coffee. Silent."
"I don't understand people who buy fireworks. Fireworks are beautiful yes, but so are majestic jungle cats. I still prefer them far away."
"The scent wafting out of Abercrombie stores is a f--king day ruiner. How did they manage to bottle the smell of high school and rejection?"
"Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say 'Netflix and avoiding responsibilities.'"
"Sarcasm never comes across in print. Which I love."
"Everything has led to this moment! And this moment! And this one! And this one. And this one. And this one.... And this one… And this o-"
"I'm done being embarrassed about my boring taste in sushi. If it looks like it killed Nemo's mom, I'm not eating it."
"When my nails get really long I love running them through a scruffy beard. (Must get manicure soon... and wax my face)"
"Hey baby... is that a phone in your pocket or is your penis just really square?"
"Had to dye my hair for a film. Keep getting spooked when I pass reflective surfaces. Now I know how puppies feel."
"I'm the person who wouldn't send back my food even if I got steak when I'd ordered fish."
On Sexuality... Again
"Ugh, NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theatre again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered ‘inappropriate.'"
"They should announce a sequel to 'Groundhog Day' and then just re-release the original."
"A birth certificate is basically a baby receipt."
"For someone with such an intense need to be liked you'd think I would have figured out how to be less of an a--hole."
"My daily objective is less about goal achievement and more about regret management."
I don't think having an Ambien addiction would be all that bad. But that might just be the Ambien talking."
"I mean I'm hot, but like approachable hot. Like the girl in your improv class."
"'I don't want a whole dessert, let's just get two spoons' - Former friends of mine."
"I'll be hanging with Mark Zuckerberg later. If I say "I loved you in Zombieland" do we think he'll laugh?"
(She did. He laughed.)
"Why do I buy cooking magazines in airports? I might as well be buying porn. I get all excited but there's nothing I can do about it."
"I don't get why girls paint the "Chanel" symbol on their nails... I could tattoo it on my ass but it don't mean I'm fancy."
"They say you shouldn't meet your heroes. And they're right cause I met a baby raccoon once and it pooped on my shoulder."
On "50 Shades"
"The '50 Shades of Grey' dude looks just like "Love Actually" kid. I feel less *turned on* and more like....I should call child services..."
On Body Shaming
"So over this 'thigh gap' thing. Not to brag, but I'm knock knee'd so I have 'ankle gap.'"
"I get bummed out when I end up being on time but I'd worked up a really solid "why I'm late" story."
"I'm the police dog of finding stuff to complain about."
On Regrets, Again
"Working on my fantasy of what I SHOULD have said to that FedEx girl who gave me attitude."
"Cooking for one sucks because no matter how I portion it I seem to end up wasting food. Also loneliness."
On being Normal
"Being well adjusted is probably f--king overrated."