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45 'American Horror Story' Characters Ranked In Order Of Absolute Evilness

Did we miss anyone?

After putting together the list below, one thing became abundantly clear: "American Horror Story" is quite possibly the most evil show on television. Ever since the inaugural "American Horror Story: Murder House," the show has been a repository for the deranged, depraved, and morally derelict, with almost nobody in its cast who could be described as a straight-up good person.

But what happens when you try to objectively rank every single major AHS character on an all-time Megalist of Evil, starting with the purest and most innocent, and ending with the baddest baddie of all? Can it even be done?! Well, we tried. And we're kicking it off with...

Pepper

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Pure, buck-toothed, unibrowed innocence: Pepper is our number one "American Horror Story" good guy.

Adelaide "Addie" Langdon

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Poor Addie wasn't evil in the least; she just wanted to be a pretty girl.

Misty Day

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A Stevie Knicks-loving hippie witch who used her gifts to resurrect fuzzy-wuzzy little animals, Misty Day had a heart so pure, she wasn't just good, but too good for this world.

Vivien Harmon

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Not evil, just naive -- for thinking that her chump of a husband was ever going to stop being a chump. Poor Viv.

Shachath

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Most of the residents of "Asylum" are no angels, but this one is! Literally! Although she racks up quite the body count as she kisses/kills her way through the season, she also exists outside the concept of karma as we know it, so we're sticking her close to the bottom.

Queenie

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Not only did Queen come through for her sister-witches in a major way, taking a bullet to defeat their bounty hunter, but she forced Delphine LaLaurie's disembodied head to watch a civil rights documentary in the hopes of making her less racist... which makes her one of the good guys, if a bit overly hopeful.

Kit Walker

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Of all Evan Peters' roles on AHS, poor Kit was the only one we can reasonably put in the pure, innocent victim category.

Violet Harmon

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Sweet Violet might have fallen in love with a murderer, but she wouldn't hurt a fly. (Instead, she ended up getting consumed by them.)

Ethel Darling

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Ethel might not have been the greatest mom, or the most sober one, but she had a big heart... and a beautiful beard.

Bette and Dot Tattler

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One is a schemer; the other, a dreamer. But despite having at least one murder under their mutual belt -- and despite Dot's not-so-secret desire to be liberated from her other half, no matter the consequences to Bette -- the twins have lately shown that they're pretty decent girls.

Desiree Dupree

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She's not evil, but she's also not afraid to take the balls of anyone who hurts her freak family.

Myrtle Snow

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The fabulous Myrtle does indulge in a little eyeball-scooping vengeance toward the end of "Coven," but considering that it's in retaliation for being burned at the stake, it's hard to see her bad acts as anything but righteous justice.

Cordelia Foxx

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She's more than just good; she's goddamn Supreme. Plus, she put out her own eyes for the good of the coven, so an extra ten points for martyrdom.

Zoe Benson

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On the one hand, Zoe is guilty of using her killer vagina to murder a guy in a hospital. On the other hand, he did kind of have it coming.

Jimmy Darling

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Good at heart, but man, is Jimmy full of resentment. Plus, he's a total jerk when he's drunk.

Nan

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We're not sure where to put Nan. On one hand, she was never as conniving as some of the other witches in the coven; on the other, after taking a dark turn and committing a horrific (if well-deserved) murder, Nan was ultimately killed as a sacrifice and left arm-in-arm with Papa Legba, which means she's basically a devil's minion now.

Kyle Spencer

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Kyle had the decency to be horrified at his frat brothers gang-raping Madison Montgomery. But then again, this couldn't have been his first inkling that they were not exactly awesome dudes, and yet he was spending time with them anyway -- which makes Kyle a good guy, yes, but perhaps not the best guy.

Moira O'Hara

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She's one of the more sympathetic ghosts haunting the Murder House... but she was also a shameless homewrecker (not to mention a sh--ty maid!)

Lana Winters

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The ambitious Lana is one of those marvelously morally ambiguous characters in which AHS seems to specialize; she's not a bad person, exactly, but she's too opportunistic and grasping to be among the innocents.

Spalding

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The silent servant of "Coven" was primarily into chinoiserie and dolls, but his secondary penchant for playing with dead bodies puts him over the line into Naughtyland.

Sister Jude

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The least evil of Jessica Lange's characters, the pompous and strident Jude at least had a conscience -- and a late-in-life redemption as a surrogate grandma to Kit's kids.

Chad Warwick

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Although he's responsible for his own fair share of mercilessly tormenting the Harmons, Chad's motivations are human enough that we can also feel kind of sorry for him.

Sister Mary Eunice McKee

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This poor nun was really and truly just trying to do good works in a bad, bad world... until halfway through Season 2 when she was literally possessed by the devil. So, we'll split the difference and put her right in the middle of the list.

Maggie Esmerelda

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The bad: She's a shameless scam artist who agreed to help Stanley in his mission to kill basically the entire cast of "Freak Show." The better: In recent episodes, she seems to be wavering in the direction of remorse and redemption.

Monsignor Timothy Howard

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The Monsignor was unsympathetic, power-hungry, and corrupt -- which are bad things for anyone to be, but in a priest, they're especially noxious.

The Axeman

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We would have counted the serial killing Axeman among "Coven"'s hell-bound bad guys, but since he ends up in his own personal heaven with Fiona at the end of the season, perhaps AHS knows something about the quality of his character that we don't.

Larry Harvey

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Everything he did, he did for love... but man, he did some really bad stuff.

Papa Legba

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As an evil spirit, enabling bad deeds is part of his job description. So, evil! But also profoundly less evil than the characters who are evil by choice.

Elsa Mars

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She's a grasping, jealous has-been who's done craven things in the name of fame -- but her affection for her peculiar "children" and her great Bowie covers save her from being higher up on this list.

Dell Toledo

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Dell might have a complicated, closeted backstory to contend with, but he's also the monster who smothered Ma Petite to death, and for that, he cannot be forgiven.

Dr. Ben Harmon

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Murderer, schmuck, and crying masturbator! Ben Harmon would top our list of evil "American Horror Story" characters, if he weren't also so completely pathetic.

Twisty the Clown

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Edward Mordrake said it best: "I have met many a craven killer, many a sniveling coward in my time, but every one of them could admit the blackness in their own hearts when the hour came. You have caused the demon to weep."

Gloria Mott

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In addition to having given birth to the spoiled rotten villain of "Freak Show," Gloria's insistence that her son was just a misunderstood sweetie totally crossed the line between obtuse and evil.

Madison Montgomery

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Spoiled, mean, remorseless, and miserable despite having so many privileges: Madison Montgomery is the same evil breed as Dandy Mott, only less delusionally deranged.

Billie Dean Howard

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We didn't see much of Billie in "Murder House," but as a friend of Constance Langdon, she's evil by association.

Johnny Morgan

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It's not Johnny's fault that he's the son of a psychotic serial killer, but it is his fault that he didn't find a healthier way to cope than hunting down and trying to kill his own mother.

Tate Langdon

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Despite the big, sweaty crush we had (and continue to have) on Tate, it cannot be denied that he was a pretty bad guy, really.

Constance Langdon

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The only thing good about this scheming, sniping murderess and manipulator was her capacity for amazing zingers.

Stanley

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The avaricious Stanley's entire plot arc has centered on trying to murder the freaks of "Freakshow" so that he can display their bodies for personal gain, which makes him pretty damn evil.

Dandy Mott

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A portrait of whiteboy entitlement taken to its most extreme logical conclusion, Dandy's corruption is all the more offensive for being completely freaking unnecessary. He could have had a very nice life without killing anyone, but noooooo.

Dr. Oliver "Bloody Face" Thredson

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Not just evil through and through, but also responsible for one of the few "American Horror Story" scenes that was so gross as to be unwatchable.

Marie Laveau

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What is Marie Laveau doing so high up on this list? Consider: Every year, by agreement, she has to offer a human baby as a sacrifice to Papa Legba. Marie Laveau is over 300 years old. Do the math. That's a lot of dead babies.

Dr. Arthur Arden

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This man was a Nazi. A NAZI. That is all.

Fiona Goode

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Fiona was so bad that when she tried to make a business deal with the voodoo devil, it turned out she didn't even have a soul to sell.

Delphine LaLaurie

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This unapologetic serial murderess and virulent racist not only tormented and tortured her slaves, but she's one of the few "American Horror Story" characters who's based on a real person. Congratulations, Delphine: On a list of dozens morally corrupt jerks, you are our number one gal.