"Jobs," that biopic on the rise and fall and rise again of Apple through the lens of its co-creator Steve Jobs, looks more and more contrived dramatic with every preview. Ashton Kutcher clearly had to stretch whatever acting bone he had leftover from all that romcom-ing and punking to deliver those inspirational little notes about being an innovator and risking it all for the sake of progress and whatnot.

But Steve Jobs wasn't the only big man on the Silicon Valley campus back in the day, oh no. Let's not forget that Bill "Moneybags" Gates also made gazillions of smackers with his Microsoft computer company — the Coke to Jobs' Pepsi, essentially.

So, being that he is the other-slash-leading titan of the modern-day 'puter biz, he totally deserves a splashy tribute movie too, right? Wrong. So, so wrong. 

This "Gates" parody trailer from the kids at Official Comedy is definitive, albeit hilarious, proof that nothing good would come of a movie about the man who made his fortune selling Americans his ever-virus-riddled Windows software, except maybe a long nap. 'Cause the story of Bill Gates would just be too freaking boooooring for the big screen, ya'll.

There weren't any juicy betrayals or shifty buyouts or scandalous booze binges or moments teetering on the edge of obsolescence involved in the birth of the PC. Hell, even Bill Gates' big Harvard dropout claim to interesting is watered down by the fact that he totally asked his mommy and daddy for permission first. About the most wild thing you'd see of him is this ...

And a "Gates"-style pep talk would be like so: "Here’s to the normal people. The people who use a PC. Your aunt, your stepdad, the office of a car mechanic, people who love solitaire, people who don’t mind having to reboot a start-up disk." And anyone who actually appreciated the virtual existence of Clippy (R.I.P.), we suppose.

So ... now we know.