On second thought, don’t even bother trying to guess what’s going to happen. After all, everything has already been decided by the Illuminati.
For the unfamiliar, the Illuminati is that top-secret society that supposedly controls media (including the MTV VMAs!) and government, wants to establish a New World Order, communicates through signs and symbols, and boasts a whole bunch of famous members. Basically, they pull the strings in this world, and the rest of us are just puppets in their little game.
To show you just how far they’re getting in this world, here are 19 pieces of concrete evidence that may prove the Illuminati has had control of the Grammy Awards for decades.
“Moon River” hinted at the Illuminati’s space domination (1962)
Yep, the Illuminati’s reign over the Grammys dates all the way back to the 4th annual ceremony, when the song “Moon River” (best known from the Audrey Hepburn movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s") won for both Record of the Year and Song of the Year. It’s long been assumed that the Illuminati has been in cahoots with NASA and has their own top-secret space program, so they definitely jumped at the chance to honor a song about the moon.
The Illuminati anthem “Hotel California” won big (1978)
The Eagles’ “Hotel California” is obviously a gold standard of classic rock —- anyone who’s played Guitar Hero and/or your dad can tell you that. The song is also hella confusing because it's packed with super ambiguous symbols about drugs, witchcraft, sex, and sacrifice. Just consider some of the lyrics: “This could be heaven and this could be hell,” “mirrors on the ceiling" and, most ominously, “We are programmed to receive.” Ding, ding, ding! Illuminati alert up the wazoo!
Everyone got brainwashed by “Saturday Night Fever” (1979)
The psychedelic soundtrack to John Travolta’s big disco movie was such a hit that it won five Grammys in 1979. That was no accident: the Illuminati definitely got down with the movie because it featured light-patterned dance floors, highly-choreographed routines that made people look brainwashed and because of Travolta’s hypnotizing hip action.
Michael Jackson’s Thriller dominated...and scared the sh-t out of us (1984)
The mega-popular album won a record-breaking eight Grammy Awards that night, boosted by MJ’s bewitching dance moves. How in the world is it even possible for a human to move like that? Answer: it’s not, unless he’s not entirely human, as the terrifying “Thriller” music video suggests.
Milli Vanilli put the whole world under their deceiving spell (1990)
Only the Illuminati could be behind the scandalous scheme involving German duo Milli Vanilli. In 1990 they won the Best New Artist trophy, but later that year it was revealed that singers Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan hadn’t actually sung on the album. They had merely appeared as the faces on the album's cover, which is very characteristic of the Illuminati because of the two-faced nature of their tribe. Cheaters, the lot of ‘em.
Billy Idol freaked everyone out (1993)
Billy Idol was a little off his rocker at the ’93 ceremony, where he sported a huge medallion around his neck that was almost definitely a secret cult emblem of some kind. He also kept throwing up that mysterious hand gesture that’s best known as the Vulcan signal from “Star Trek,” but is actually the Illuminati’s universal symbol for the Priestly Blessing. The more you know.
Wu-Tang hijacked the mic to spit some weird sh—t (1995)
After Wu-Tang Clan lost to Puff Daddy (that’s Diddy for all you young’ins) for Hip-Hop Album of the Year, Wu-Tang member Ol’ Dirty Bastard, clearly under the devil’s influence, stormed the stage during an acceptance speech for an entirely different category. He apparently wanted to let people know that “Wu-Tang is for the children,” but he was probably just trying to brainwash kids into joining the larger “clan,” aka the Illuminati.
Madonna went all ‘Red Priestess’ (1999)
Dressed in a red cape-like ensemble, Madge took the stage to sing “Nothing Really Matters,” and she looked eerily similar to the evil Melisande from “Game of Thrones.” The performance also included masked backup dancers and a guy twirling a giant flaming stick. So yeah, Madonna really witched out on this one.
Santana’s album Supernatural won — nothing subtle about that (2000)
The Illuminati ushered in the new millennium by showering Santana’s Supernatural with the coveted Album of the Year prize. This is a guitar god whose album artwork is usually pretty trippy, and whose catalog consists of mystically-titled songs like “Black Magic Woman,” “Soul Sacrifice,” and “Evil Ways.” You do the math.
Britney Spears’ performance had every weird thing in the book (2000)
This one had it all: robots dancing mechanically in a line (like humans under the devil’s control), a giant purple lightning orb, and an embellished red jumpsuit that was obviously meant to hypnotize us because it was so sexy.
The White Stripes tried to entrance Grammy viewers (2004)
Much like the music video for “Seven Nation Army," which spellbinds people with tons of giant triangles, this Stripes performance was also a method of hypnotization, as Jack sang in front of a huge spiraling backdrop that was impossible to ignore.
Daft Punk performed in a giant triangular DJ booth (2008)
After Kanye West blazed through “Stronger,” French DJ duo Daft Punk emerged from a giant pyramid to finish off the performance. It’s no secret that the Illuminati loves triangles, so this one’s a no-brainer.
Lil Wayne was positively possessed by Eminem (2010)
Beyonce literally brought hell to the Grammy stage (2010)
In 2010 Beyonce slayed the Grammys. Not only did she win six trophies (six! as in 666!), but her suspiciously spellbinding performance included a bunch of stormtrooper-esque dudes and a stage that turned a fiery, hellish red when she launched into Alanis Morisette’s “You Oughta Know.”
Muse caused an “Uprising” (2011)
When Muse took the stage to perform their mega-hit “Uprising” — which, by the way, is chock-full of lyrics about mind control — frontman Matthew Bellamy clearly flashed a triangle symbol over his eye. The camera only caught it for a sec, but that was all it took to convince everyone he was under a wicked spill.
Nicki Minaj went straight-up exorcist (2012)
Nicki Minaj went into full exorcism mode for her bizarre and creepy performance of “Roman’s Revenge” and “Roman Holiday.” Levitation, dancing priests… this is basically as Illuminati as it gets.
There were snakes EVERYWHERE (2013)
Snakes had a huge moment on the red carpet in 2013. Florence Welch, Giuliana Rancic, and Rihanna (left to right in the pic above) each sported flashy reptilian rings, which was clearly a tribute to their serpentine lord.
Carrie Underwood’s trippy dress had a shocking secret meaning (2013)
Carrie surprised a lot of people by covering up her famously toned gams and opting for a full-skirted dress that lit up with roses underneath. This wasn’t just a Katniss Everdeen-like fashion stunt. It was actually a top-secret message from the Illuminati. “Sub rosa” means “under the rose,” which means “that which is done in secret.” Did we just blow your mind?
Katy Perry gave the most Illuminati-like performance in history (2014)
At last year’s Grammys, Katy Perry gave the epitome of an Illuminati-inspired performance. Her live rendition of “Dark Hose” was basically one giant satanic ritual, complete with smoke, witchcraft, lightning, and “American Horror Story: Coven”-inspired garb. Oh, and the stage erupted into flames at the end of the song. Mic drop. The Illuminati has won.