Does your perfect date involve a quiet night in a big, comfy chair, solving puzzles with your beloved?
Do you seriously doubt the eligibility of any man who doesn't love dogs?
Do the sight of a guy in a green striped collared shirt make you feel a strange, inexplicable sense of yearning in your heart and/or pelvic region?
You're not alone! And it's not your fault, either. You just spent way too much time, at an impressionable age, watching a certain show on Nick, Jr. -- and imprinting like a "Twilight" werewolf on the man who became your first celeb crush before you even knew what "crushing" was.
Below, we round up all the reasons why Steve from "Blue's Clues" was totally your first-ever TV boyfriend.
He was an excellent dancer.
He never got weird about introducing you to his friends.
He knew how to dress for an occasion.
He was musical.
He was outdoorsy.
He was an animal lover, obviously.
He always had cool ideas.
He did adorable old-fashioned things, like writing and receiving actual paper letters.
He knew how to give a meaningful compliment.
Plus, he was super popular.
And he was obviously an awkward kisser, but in a cute way.
Sometimes he'd just look at you, like you were the most amazing thing he'd ever seen.
You knew just what it would be like if he ever touched you.
Not to mention the obvious, suggestive, vaguely kinky flirting.
And when it was time for things to end, he didn't dance around the truth.
If only all breakups could be this amicable. Sigh.