Since 2001, Planet Earth has been fully obsessed with one man; five syllables: Derek Zoolander.
So, now that said Earth finally -- finally! -- has some "Zoolander 2" action on the way, we've gone ahead and checked out the brand new, OG "Zoolander" on Blu-ray (plus steelbook!), to learn all of the things we never knew about Zoolander (Ben Stiller), Hansel (Owen Wilson), Mugatu (Will Ferrell) and more.
Here are the mind-blowingly things we learned at the The Derek Zoolander School for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too:
Jennifer Aniston's hubs is a Grade-A breakdance fighter.
In a brand new bonus feature, Justin Theroux and Owen Wilson are seen breakdance beating the crap out of each other in rehearsals for the final standoff (Theroux played the DJ). They work with a breakdance trainer, and Theroux in particular NAILS his cartwheels.
The OG brainwashing sequence was a whole lot different.
In another brand new feature, we see the storyboards from the original Zoolander brainwashing sequence. Instead of little girl Will Ferrell, it features Zoolander, as a merman, swimming through a series of tunnels, then riding a roller coaster ride through a mine shaft. He still learns martial arts and is trained to killed the prime minister of Malaysia, but the sequence is a lot longer, and seems to feature Zoolander being drugged by a poison apple.
The French weren't happy with "Zoolander"'s take on fashion.
According to Stiller, and writers John Hamburg and the late Drake Sather, "I went to France to do some press for the movie, and all of the French people were going 'Why is this an attack on the fashion industry?... Why do you think the fashion industry is evil?'"
Mugatu's name was originally McQuicken.
The inspiration was from Alexander McQueen, but they went with Mugatu to honor an alien creature from "Star Trek."
Mugatu was originally written "very specifically" for Andy Dick.
Dick couldn't do it due to a TV commitment, so he played Olga the masseuse -- in heavy makeup -- instead.
A good portion of the VH1 Fashion Awards sequences were shot during commercials breaks at the actual 2000 VH1 Fashion Awards.
The sequence with the PETA paint-throwers before the show, however, were shot separately in Los Angeles.
Ben Stiller's mom, Anne Meara, plays the main PETA protestor.
He thought she'd make the "perfect Upper West Side protestor." His dad Jerry Stiller, of course, plays Maury, his wife Christine Taylor plays Matilda, and his brother-in-law, Brian Taylor, cameos as an infomercial director.
There was no wig used for Mugatu.
That was all Will Ferrell, baby. His poodle, however, required a wig.
The brainwashing sequence was initially going to be way, way crazier.
It was going to take place on an "Island of Dr. Moreau" type of place, where Mugatu was doing sick experiments (think donkeys merged with male models) on his washed-up assassins.
Owen Wilson improvised his entire VH1 Fashion Awards interview.
Sting as an inspiration? All Wilson. The type of guy who wants to know what bark is made out of? Yep, that was Wilson, too. "It shows how fully he'd become Hansel by the time production started," Stiller, Sather and Hamburg noted.
The "Freak Gasoline Fight" accident made it through every draft of the script. Because it's awesome.
Also, it was always going to be "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" that they died to. RIP, Rufus, Brint and Meekus.
There was initially going to be a sequence at a "male model dog park."
No, not a park for male models to walk their dogs. A park where they are the dogs. "A place where we can go and be ourselves, without people staring at us," Stiller joked.
The ending was initially going to take place on Mt. Rushmore.
The reason being that Derek always wanted a chiseled face, like the presidents on Mt. Rushmore, of course. Several sequences were going to be moved to the Rushmore area -- like David Duchnovy's hand model intervention -- but all of this was scrapped in favor of the Derelicte show.
It was Ben Stiller's idea to do blackface in the coal mining sequence.
"I know how to make this funny!" he joked in the commentary about the controversial use of blackface, which has a long and painful racist history. "It's coming from an innocent place, with Derek."
Vince Vaughn was initially going to have a line.
... But the crew then thought it would be funnier if the actor, who was already a star at this point, just showed up and stood in the background.
Stiller was nervous that the "center for ants!" joke wouldn't hit.
He told Ferrell, "we've just got to commit to it, and hope it works. Cause it's such a stupid joke." (It worked.)
The actor who originally models Derelicte in Mugatu's office is a famous New Yorker.
He's called Radioman, and used to be homeless. Now, he's been in dozens of movies, and there's a documentary about him. Whoopi Goldberg once took him to the Oscars.
Zoolander's massage boner? Not real.
Instead, the "animatronic boner" was made from a "hydraulic joystick" attached to a "wooden apparatus" that came out through a hole in the table.
Owen Wilson had a spectacular amount of doubles, to do all of Hansel's tricks.
There were different doubles used for his break-dancing, his "scooter stuff," his run-of-the-mill stunts, and his yo-yo sequence. A yo-yo champion from Florida was flown in specially for that scene.
The walk-off contest took four days to shoot.
It was also the hardest scene to edit, because of the sheer amount of ridiculous footage from both Stiller and Wilson. Once they got the idea to do a split-scene, the editing process became much easier.
Zoolander's "I can't turn left" plot almost didn't make it to the final cut.
It came from an improved line from Stiller, and was going to have a huge role in the final proposed Mt. Rushmore standoff. When Mt. Rushmore was cut, it was no longer super important -- the Magnum storyline got beefed up instead. However, it was still hilarious, so they kept it in with a smaller payoff.
The photographer screaming at Derek in a monkey costume? You know him.
Yep, that's pre-fame Patton Oswalt!
The screenwriters admit that there are "a lot of holes in the story."
Like Derek showing up at the Derelicte show despite knowing he'd get triggered to murder, for example.
Owen Wilson wasn't around for a whole lot of shooting.
That's why he wasn't in the first half of the movie -- he was filming "Behind Enemy Lines" with Gene Hackman in between his weeks of playing Hansel. He was absent for whole final, New York-based sequence of the film, with Derek taking down Mugatu, and therefore had to be filmed separately in Los Angeles. Sniff.
At one point, the film was going to end with Derek's death.
When the Mt. Rushmore standoff fell through, the next draft featured a subway chase sequence with Derek's dad and brothers helping him take down fashion's biggest baddie. A train was going to pull up and kill Derek -- he'd try to stop it with Magnum, but it wouldn't work, and the film's final scene would have taken place in heaven. It was scrapped, because it was much too expensive.
"Zoolander" hits Blu-ray with new, never-before-seen bonus features on Tuesday, December 1.