To which my response is: Really? Trump is going to pick Newt Gingrich as his VP candidate? Newt Gingrich?

That's really who he's going with? Nate Gorgeous? That's his plan to win the White House? Republican vice-presidential candidate Nick Ginseng, huh? Nurk Gringlitch? Nate Gangrene? Nice Gingham? Nape Gringotts? Nerf Gangnam? Nort Grindhouse? Nose Gipper? Neal Ghastly?

This is Donald Trump's big move? This is the card he's gonna play? This is his secret weapon? Nob Garbage? Neck Glucose? Nump Gundgrunch? He's gonna go ahead and pick Nuts Gangster? Neat Glacier? Nigh Goldfish? Not Gracious? Nort Gladheart? That's the plan? Nook Gibbons? Nux Graveyard? Nuck Gizzard?

Nips Girdle? That's the new wave? That's the hot tip? That's what's next? That's tomorrow's news? Noof Groangulch? Nosh Gertrude? I can just see it. Night Gargle, the next vice-president of the United States of America. Notch Goblet, a heartbeat away from the leader of the free world.

But you know what, it's great — this is totally going to work, now that I'm thinking about it. Nork Goiter. Near Gristle. Gnome Guster. Nert Grampus. Nark Gretzky. Great. Good. Nope Gunboat is an excellent choice. What a coup! Nix Groupie. This is happening. Nuke Gasket. Wonderful decision. I might even vote for this guy. Who couldn't vote for Ness Goatskin, honestly? Norse Gangbang, you're needed in the lobby. Donald Trump is looking for a second in command, a right-hand man, a sidekick. Nerp Graincrotch. Node Gruntgut.

Norg Glottal! Pick up the phone, history's calling and it's time for you to answer! Neck Gurgle! Noose Goldbug! Needs Goebbels! Your time is now! Nest Gastric! Noir Grungy! Nerd Gulag! Narc Goodly! Your country needs you! Niche Garter! Nurse Glutton! Nerve Grindhouse! Nert Gawping! Opportunity knocks!

What a time, when I can vote for Numb Grandpa for vice-president of the good ol' US of A. Nuns Gridlock. Really, I couldn't be happier. Niles Gamey. Noaf Gulper. Could not ask for a better man. Just might win this thing with old Nude Grumbler.

Maybe I underestimated Donald Trump's political acumen here. Knife Goatherd. Nyet Groggy. Nubs Giggly. Norm Gearstick. Ninth Glengarry. News Gumber. Neut Grovel. I can't wait. Wow. Nash Gobsmack. Boy oh boy oh boy.