Why It's OK To (And Why You Should) Change As a Person
It starts when your crush (yeah, you remember) writes those three words in your yearbook: “Don’t ever change.”
You get it in your head that you must stay true to a reputation or image that you so carefully molded throughout high school or college; that you must exhibit consistent attitudes and behaviors throughout your entire life in order to still be you; that the most dreaded two words you could ever hear from a close friend after spending time apart are, “You’ve changed.”
Although Hilary Duff attempted to combat this notion with her hit “So Yesterday,” it has been inserted into our brains over time.
So, wtf is the big deal about change?
Seriously. What’s with the negative connotation?
Part of it is that we all feel pressure to live up to other people's expectations of who we are based on who we've been. Plus, we all fear appearing hypocritical. Changing your mind can look a lot like phoniness or indecision to someone who's never done it.
Here's the problem: If you’re not changing, then you’re not growing. And if you're not growing, then you're ironically not becoming fully yourself.
That doesn't mean you should change everything about yourself overnight in order to impress someone or to sit with the cool kids at lunch -- it's important to develop and stand by core values -- but at some point, keeping up your image may feel forced, not natural, because it just doesn't quite fit you anymore.
Just about the worst thing you can do is be complacent.
In a world that's continually changing, especially as key social issues catch wind, it only makes sense for us to adapt. That's not a sign of crumbling from uncertainty; in fact, it makes us stronger. If you don't bend with those winds, then you're just going to snap from them.
I'm not the same guy I was a few years ago; I'm more empathetic and open-minded, my interests are different, and my goals have become more realistic. I've finally admitted that I'm not going to be a superhero, but I think I am on my way to becoming an OK person.
Change is good. It really, really is. (And if you disagree, then how do you explain how much better crispy M&M’s are compared to original?)
One of my best friends was set on going to law school her whole life.
...and I’m talking “phone calls at 3 a.m. just because” best friends. As the deadline finally approached, she decided her passions were elsewhere.
However, because of her family’s expectations -- along with her fear of going against her own commitment and having to start over -- she reluctantly went anyways.
In our post-recession world, there are thousands of those stories. We should not be limited, but society creates limitations. We always hear about the consequences of taking the road less traveled, and we're so quick to turn people off from doing what makes them happy, or brings them meaning, if it might also make them financially unstable.
But I have never heard anyone suggest that complacency equals happiness.
The thing is, you can change career paths all of a sudden. If you want to be in the nonprofit world instead of following in your parents' footsteps like they (and you) always assumed you would, then go ahead. What's right one moment for you may not be right the next.
As scary as it is, we have to live in the present. It's preposterous that anyone -- friends and family included -- would assume they can predict your entire life trajectory.
Nobody's perfect...except maybe Jennifer Lawrence.
And because of this, everyone can afford to replace a few bad qualities with some good ones. Sometimes that's a conscious decision; other times it subtly happens over time from your individual experiences. You wake up one day and realize how mind-blowingly much you've grown.
Still, it can only happen if you don't limit yourself with the mindset that different is bad, when it's really the best (and only) way forward. Be spontaneous. Be open. Be willing and be aware.
As everything transforms around us, why can’t we?
