When fireworks light up the American sky tomorrow in celebration of our nation's birthday, they will shine down on the spectacular foodstuff that is our newest, best source of nationalist pride: the Doritos Loaded.

Rolling out at 7-Elevens across the country just in time for July 4th weekend, the Doritos Loaded is a fried cheese delight: a warm, gooey, inner filling of melted cheese, lovingly cradled within a delicate yet decadent Doritos-flavored nacho cheese crust confection. Is this snack the pinnacle of American achievement? Yes, damn it! God bless America, my friends. Now wave your tiny flag, and sink your teeth into the deep-fried heart of freedom.