Dead but not gone -- that's the story of Chanel No. 2 (Ariana Grande) in the newest episode of "Scream Queens" which aired on Tuesday (Nov. 3).
You might recall that No. 2 was taken down in the very first episode of the sassy slasher series, with what was perhaps the most artfully hilarious and socially aware murder scene of the season. But she's baaaaack -- sorta.
While we'd love to tell you that she had pulled a Boone (Nick Jonas) and faked the whole thing, she was definitely done in by the Red Devil before she could tweet for help, as we saw. But still, she made a surprise return this week after the Chanels got the bright idea to séance her back into the Kappa fold in the hope of ID-ing the killer(s) on campus.
Here's what went down.
Four Chanels and a FuneralFox
And the award for meanest eulogy ever goes to Chanel (Emma Roberts), who tells the decidedly un-sad crowd, "We’re gathered here today because a back-stabbing little bitch got exactly what was coming to her." She then goes through her personal laundry list of her ills and concludes, lovingly, with "You were a stupid little trollop, and I hope you’re burning in hell right now."
Good thing she won't have a tombstone -- she's being cremated and shot into space, per her dying wish -- so Chanel can't flay her in the inscription too.
Séance it ain't so...Fox
The Chanels decide that their fearless (altogether emotionless, really), ultra-quotable leader needs to make peace with their departed sister and that her little coffin-side hissy fit during the ceremony was proof of that. So, once again, the girls initiate the most ill-advised mid-murder activity they can think of and channel her spirit to speak up.
Her first order of ghostly business? To reveal that Chad Radwell (Glen Powell) is, once again, cheating on her, despite his promise to remain monogamous for once in his life. When she walks in to investigate she finds him rubbing up on a goat -- but he insists this is just to coax the milk out of her because he's lactose intolerant for cow's milk.
"You can’t let dead people get to you. They’re super pissed off they’re dead so they’re coming from a place of anger," he tells her. And the despicable Chad-Chanel union lives on.
The Criminal Mastermind?Fox
Gigi (Nasim Pedrad) has been high on our Probably Psycho Killer list for weeks now, and the newest episode did nothing to dissuade us that she's in on this bloody game. But her phone conversation with one of her stabby squad makes us think she's not so much doing the slaying as she is ordering the hits from above. And her performance review on one of her hired hands is ... not good. She wants to give him/her the ax, effective immediately.
Oh, and FWIW, Wes (Oliver Hudson) seems to have no idea about his retro-fashioned GF's extracurricular activity, so his guilt-o-meter dropped just a hair.
A visit from beyondFox
As usual, Chanel has gotten her way because, yes, Chanel No. 2 took the celestial elevator downstairs instead of up, if you catch our drift.
After presenting her spirit self at a second séance -- and proving that she's the real deal by identifying the cereal that almost killed BB No. 3 (Billie Lourd) and the ridiculous amount of tampons No. 6-formerly-known-as-Neckbrace-formerly-known-as-Hester (Lea Michele) keeps with her at all times -- No. 2 tells everyone that Chanel is the Red Devil killer.
Why? Well, Hell is no picnic, apparently -- they don't even have dinosaurs because Jesus broke in and stole them -- and she spends a lot of time dealing with untoward former dictators who have zero respect for scantily-clad sorority girls.
But alas, No. 2's on a mission for peace when she shows up in Chanel's laxative-induced haze because the only way for her to break away from the place with all the razor blade-filled water-slides is to make peace with the woman she scorned in her life. So, as an olive branch, she warns Chanel about the murder her sisters are unsuccessfully scheming up against her and advises her to get her squad back in line.
How to *actually* get away with murderFox
In case you were ready to mark Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) off your "Scream Queens" suspect list, not so fast. Not only did she get revenge on her cheating husband in a house of horrors-style headchop that calls up an image of The Governor's fishtank room, but she managed to make his mistress take all the blame for it -- thanks to one well-positioned bologna sandwich at the crime scene and a little do-gooder investigation by Grace (Skyler Samuels) and her Matthew McConaughey impressionist boyf Pete.
Here's the rub, though. Even though Dean Munsch is now a confirmed murderer -- 100%, no doubt about that at all -- she still might not be in on the rest of the killings. In fact, part of the reason she decided to execute (emphasis on the "ex") her plan at this time was the fact that she thought the police would lump it in with the rest of the killings.
Kappa Kappa Tau, a house dividedFox
Thanks to No. 2's warnings, Chanel is able to stymy the inept murder scheming of No. 3, No. 5 (Abigail Breslin) and No. 6 before it even takes shape. And not only does she convince the girls she's completely innocent of any wrongdoing, but she also turns them fully against two of the other still-living Kappas, Zayday (Keke Palmer) and Grace.
Which means it's Kappa Vs. Kappa from here on out. You know, 'cause a bitchy bicker session is exactly what these girls need right now.