Master DesignerAnna is a gawd damn angel. At museums, Anna is allowed to touch the art. Mosquitos refuse to bite her out of respect. And she even drives a Prius. Anna also hasn’t had a carb since 2001, owns over 55 turtle trinkets, and is allergic to Salt and Vinegar Chips. During college, Anna transferred from the University of Minnesota to a boat that partied its way around the world. Due to a general inability to thermoregulate, Anna is always cold. Despite this fact, Anna loves ice cream and is hoping to leverage her new found D-list celebrity status into a sponsorship deal with Ben and Jerry’s.
Chief of Experience“Tones” is from Boston and is as sweet as the creampie from which that city is named after. Before joining Shinesty he supported himself financially by taking shirtless selfies and working as a janitor at a university in Boston where he would solve difficult math equations left on the board overnight. Today, you can find Antonio on all fours digging for the next volley, as his true passion resides on the court. In his offtime, Antonio enjoys Dog psychology and is working on the next groundbreaking novel in the field of canine psycho-therapy. Although he lives in one of the foodiest cities in the nation, Antonio maintains a strict diet consisting of Pepsi, Twizzlers, and Taco Bell.
Ernest HemingwaySmooches grew up as a freckle faced red headed bully from South Florida who ran a small gambling and extortion ring on the playground behind his elementary school.He was a D-III athlete and makes love like one too. He’s a 4x sit-and-reach champ, has to be careful outside out when it rains (because sugar melts), and can sell you a whistling bunghole before you have time to look up what a whistling bunghole is. Most days you can find him reading the paper and grumbling about the neighbors on his lawn.
Sales GuyBryan aka “Pandorf” takes everything personally. Chances are he’ll hate this bio. One time he didn’t talk to his Mom for a month when she didn’t compliment him on his haircut. If you meet him, make sure to pronounce Bryan with a “y” not an “i.” His hobbies include moisture wicking technology and hang loose signs. Bryan is saving himself for marriage, which is good because the only thing Bryan has ever turned on is a lava lamp. In college, Bryan was in an acapella group. His favorite song is Happy Birthday in Spanish, only because they said his name every time during the name portion of the song.
Co- Founder / CEOChris is no stranger to work. His first job was a dishwasher at the most popular restaurant in Tulsa, OK...a Pizza Hut. In school he spent more time in detention than class. He might not know who won the Civil War, what Manifest Destiny is or how to use a compass but he can sell a blind kid a pair glasses. He has been called a cult leader, a fashion icon and a mediocre badminton player. Chris hates vacation, thinks massages are a waste of time and can’t swim to save his life...literally the dude will drown himself and you if you try to save him. Despite working out five days a week he has the body of a skinny Jonah Hill.
Model, Lover, Model LoverDrew likes his women like he likes his wine, young and tannic. With a 70’s porn stache, a soup bowl chest, and a penchant for buggery some have deemed Drew Boulder’s most eligible bachelor. In his spare time, Drew can be found charging his crystals, striking out on Tinder, and hosting day long bumper pool parties in his basement. Fun fact: Drew was so important to the creation of this show that producers promised him if he signed his long overdue paperwork and began filming he would undoubtedly become the face of BMW.
Co- Founder / CMOWhen Jens’ (pronounced YENZ like a Danish pastry) hands aren’t full of his two golden retriever’s feces, he’s enjoying a nice night in the ‘burbs at Fogo De Chao’ or sipping on Applebee’s 2-4-1 specials. His passion for Shinesty is more spirited than a sorority rush video. The Skipper is actually 29, lives like he’s 49, yet “carries the sex appeal of a 17 year old stallion in heat,” (according to his wife Teen). The tell tale sign that you’ve seen Jens on the hiking trail is his one-pull, zip-off-pant-to-cargo short hybrid hiking pant/shorts. He drinks Lagunitas like water and can often be found enjoying a lunch based solely off of thinly-sliced deli meats wrapped around cheese in some sort of strange, cold-cut taquito.
Editor in ChiefBreen was one of those high schoolers that liked to read at lunch. Her daily routine includes yoga, yoga pants, being an outspoken vegetarian, petting certain office dogs and avoiding others. She drinks but has never been drunk and will slap the joke off your face if it offends her...and she is offended by most everything. Katie is the Cleopatra of the office, without the opium problem...and she hates cats. Her spirit animal is the hippo because she is highly territorial but don’t call her a hippo because she will kill you. Her favorite movies have sad endings. She likes to watch people cry. When she is not pushing her feminist agenda she’s getting lost rereading a Naomi Wolf novel. In all her years in school Katie never received a grade less than 98%. She was adored by her teachers and feared by her peers. Her fierce looks and even fiercer wit make her a terrifying adversary to any man or woman. She hopes to leverage the success of the Shinesty MTV show to start her own sex education program.
Professional ShopperThe first thing you should know about Kristen is that she was so obsessed with marriage that she jumped at the opportunity to have a $500 (semi) Nationally Televised wedding ceremony in Anna’s backyard. She likes cats more than dogs, she is allergic to the sun, and her guilty pleasure is painting erotic, Victorian era miniature battlefields. We’ve all wondered if the carpet matched the drapes. Spoiler Alert- it does.
Merchandise MavenSelf-described as one part Oprah (the skinny years), one part Mona Lisa (for her art direction), and three parts tasmanian devil - Sally has never seen a hammock or a ham hock she couldn’t put a hurting on. Her high school superlative was “Winston Churchillest” for her ability to deliver a rousing oration and smoke down a stogie. Her hobbies (in order of importance) are dancing on high surfaces, surfing, and keeping up with the boys at the bar and on the hockey rink.