"Or perhaps in Slytherin/You'll make your real friends/Those cunning folk use any means/To achieve their ends."
A year ago today (July 23), I wrote a "happy birthday" story for Daniel Radcliffe, arguing that -- much like Harry Potter -- he was pretty damn great at being a Gryffindor. He bravely accepted the challenge of playing one of the most famous literary characters in the world at the age of 11, after all, and he definitely gives to charity.
However, now that I've had a year to dwell on it, I've realized that -- again, much like Harry Potter -- there have been many instances in Radcliffe's life where he totally acted like a Slytherin, instead. Dan-Rad is inarguably cunning, resourceful, and ambitious as well as chivalrous and true, so in honor of the lad's 26th name-day on July 23, here are all the times he proved he would have been great in Slytherin.
When he disguised himself from the world as Spider-Man...
What's more cunning that using deception to achieve your end goal of walking the floor unnoticed at San Diego Comic-Con?
... Then advocated for the harassment of cosplayers a year later.
He was joking -- we think -- but this kind of joke is undeniably Slytherin.
When he terrorized an MTV News employee for the sake of his business.
Gotta get that green. SO SLYTHERIN.
When he called this same MTV News employee a bad word.
To be fair, this time he might have had it coming.
When he spent his post-Potter years embracing the dark side.Dimension Films
From "Horns" to "Equus" to the upcoming the upcoming "Victor Frankenstein," Radcliffe has gone DARK since he took on Voldemort. Damn.
When he embraced his sexuality with James McAvoy.
Pleasure is for the Slytherin, right?
When he spoke Parseltongue.
When he forwarded the agenda of the world's most famous Slytherin.
... Not to mention, Lord Voldemort himself.Getty
You are the company you keep.
When he sorted Kanye into Slytherin because KING YEEZY BELONGS THERE TOO.
It's a COMPLIMENT.
When he used the words of a, um, "controversial" rapper.
...though of course, DanRad's performance was incredible. SO SLYTHERIN.
When he murdered Lord Voldemort.
Hey man, murder is murder.
When he ruined a man's hair for sh-ts and giggles.
What a mean prank. How very... well, you know.
When he deceived magazine employees for his own gain.
Poor Nylon. Maybe they should have learned not to put a Slytherin at the receptionist's desk. Slytherins are CEOs, man.
When he dressed like infamous bad guy Boba Fett.
Rock that green, Radcliffe.
When he wouldn't tell anyone why he was walking 20 dogs in New York City last summer.Universal Pictures
It was for "Trainwreck!" Sneaky DanRad. So Slytherin.
When he put the Sorting Hat on and it literally told him he would be (Dan)Rad in Slytherin.