Sorry, Ladies (And Dudes): Sherlock Holmes Doesn't Like You That Way

Nope, still not into it.

Ever since the exquisite Benedict Cumberbatch popped on a deerstalker to play Sherlock Holmes, everybody -- from Irene Adler to John Watson to filthy fanfiction aficionados all over the world -- has been trying to figure out exactly what kind of human the consulting detective fancies.

It didn't exactly help the fervent speculating when Cumby himself popped up in Elle UK to remind us that whomever Sherlock slept with, said hypothetical person would most certainly be, uh, satisfied. Like, multiple times over satisfied.

And then -- just because he is obviously trying to drive us ape-ass crazy -- Cumberbatch dropped yet another titillating bit of information about Sherlock's orientation late last year, in an interview with Chris Hardwick of Nerdist. In comparing Sherlock Holmes with another enigmatic hero of British television -- the traveling timelord of "Doctor Who," and according to Vulture said the following:

"They've got different dress senses, different taste in the sex of their partners..."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. The sex of their partners? The sex? Of their partners?!

Leaving aside the part where the Doctor is a bit of a sexual enigma himself, this comment suggests that Sherlock Holmes could, in fact, get busy with somebody... which is probably why "Sherlock" creator Steven Moffat turned up in the pages of EW this week to remind us all, one more time, that Sherlock Holmes does not do the sex.

"It’s a funny thing when a character for over 100 years has been saying, ‘I don’t do that at all,'" Moffat said. "[Sherlock]’s not interested in [sex]. He’s willfully staying away from that to keep his brain pure — a Victorian belief, that. But everyone wants to believe he’s gay. He’s not gay. He’s not straight."

And so concludes your obligatory, yearly reminder that Sherlock Holmes, loin-incinerating hottie though he is, just does not dig you that way.