Yeah, so do we! Good thing we're going to see it again next year, too. That's because Redmayne is an absolute lock to win Best Supporting Actor at the 2016 Oscars. How do we know this? Because, good people, we have seen "Jupiter Ascending," even if box-office numbers suggest that many of you have not.
Redmayne stars in the Wachowski siblings' science fiction space opera as Balem Abrasax, an ancient prince who believes himself to be the rightful heir to Earth. He's basically an alien version of Prince Joffrey, and he's the whiniest, winningest twit in theaters right now. If Redmayne won an award for "The Theory of Everything," there's absolutely no reason on Earth or beyond that he shouldn't win for "Jupiter." It's the performance of a lifetime.
Let us count the ways in which "Jupiter Ascending" should lock Redmayne another Oscar win right here and now:
He's an actual alien.
Look at those puffy lips and those sleepy alien eyes. Eddie Redmayne is literally an alien.
Look at how he judges you.
Balem Abrasax has no time for your Earthling shenanigans.
Watch him bathe.
Wet Abrasax is a sexy Abrasax.
Sit, Abrasax! Sit!
No one sits in a chair like Balem Abrasax sits in a chair.
Talk to the man.
He will whisper-talk the shiznit out of you.
Watch your face!
He will stroke it more awkwardly than John Travolta versus Idina Menzel.
And now, the scream:
If that's not an Oscar-winning scream, then shoot me off into the stars now, because I don't want to live on this planet anymore.