‘D–kstarter’ Is A Kickstarter To Draw Earth’s Biggest Penis

Want to support the arts? Then become a benefactor in the least mature Guinness World Record attempt ever.

Men are simple creatures, but also creative creatures. Even when we’re thinking with the smaller of our two heads — which is always — we still want to bring art into the world. And that’s why a Seattle guy named Alex Wong is begging the internet to “[h]elp me make the biggest d–k drawing ever.”

Sure, there are Kickstarter projects for people with health problems and tornado-destroyed homes and, y’know, a hankering for potato salad, but here’s Wong’s sales pitch:

“I just graduated college and I have no job. Let’s bring it back to the goals of my youth. I want to make the world’s biggest d–k drawing. With your help, I will be able to create a wonderful (and long) drawing of the male anatomy.”

Wong will put backers’ names on individual pieces of paper and then assemble them into a massive phallic mosaic. If you pledge a dollar, you get to “[a]dd an inch to the World’s Biggest D–k Drawing.” For five dollars, you can “[a]dd a vein to the shaft…” For six bucks, you can add pubes. And for the low, low price of $200, you’ll get the “very rare and exclusive” foreskin.

Wong’s goal is “100 inches” to “get some sort of recognition from Guinness (hopefully a plaque with a d–k engraving),” but according to the AV Club, “[H]e’ll need roughly $360 to overtake the Cerne Abbas Giant, a 180-foot long chalk drawing of a man with an erect penis that’s been visible on a hillside in Dorset, England, since at least the 17th Century.”

And we thought Stonehenge was impressive without modern technology…

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