You spend your workday looking at earth’s cutest creatures online, wishing you could leave cubicle life behind and go live on a farm or a puppy mill. But guess what? Those critters are still animals, and sometimes animals go insane for no particular reason, like the cat that famously held a family hostage until they called 911. (And, y’know, the other one.)
So the next time you’re squealing with delight at some YouTube video of a newborn furry something-or-other, just remember: You could just as easily be squealing with horror, judging by these beasts that went batsh*t.
1. “Screaming” Pig Menaces Children Of Maine
It sounds like a Stephen King story, but it’s horrifyingly real. All week long, an 80-pound escaped farm pig has terrorized the youngsters of Oakland, Maine, “screaming at the kids and chasing them,” as one policeman put it.
Local schools blocked off walking paths, so the pig attacked a woman instead. The U.S. Department of Agriculture is currently helping with the investigation. “The pig is out there,” said the law enforcement officer. We won’t blame you for sleeping with the lights on.
2. Panda Paws Of Pain
“Hey, did you know pandas are more closely related to raccoons than beaOHHHHHHHH JESUS, OH JESUS CHRIST.”
3. Feral Packs Of Chihuahuas In Arizona
Last year, animal control in Phoenix received 6,000 complaints from a single neighborhood about wild Chihuahuas spreading carnage from yard to yard, attacking people and leaving sh*t everywhere. According to Time.com, “[T]hey also appear to be recruiting other, bigger dogs to run with their crew.” Try fitting those in a purse.
4. A Wascally Wabbit (With A Death Wish)
In 2007, a “crazed hare” attacked a 74-year-old Austrian woman as she hung laundry outside, biting her until she fell. Her husband called police and tried to battle the hopping assailant. “When police arrived on the scene,” reported Spiegel Online, “they found the 78-year-old man fighting the hare off with a stick — and losing.”
The hare could’ve escaped — it wasn’t fenced in — but refused to relent, forcing police to shoot it. Yes, a bunny committed suicide by cop.
5. Kangaroos That Take The Gloves Off
6. A Couple Stalker Squirrels
Lock your doors. Lock your windows. Lock your nuts.
7. The Corgi Arsonist (NSFW Language)
The most innocent, most precious dogs on earth? Yeah, if they don’t mix a bunch of chemicals together and burn your house down. Or your castle.