If it’s true that there’s safety in numbers, Scott & Co. may be in trouble on “Teen Wolf.” Despite the addition of Kira and the newly turned (and potentially untrustworthy) Malia, the young lycanthrope’s pack has lost Allison (RIP), Isaac (who is grieving with Mr. Argent somewhere in France), the twins, and now Derek, who’s merely a Benjamin Button version of his former badass self.
Until the crew can find a way to reverse whatever it is Kate Argent did to our blue-eyed Alpha-turned-Beta-turned-child, they might benefit from a little help from some other people who know a thing or two about throwing down: the ferocious fighters of Litchfield State Prison. But which “Orange Is the New Black” character is most qualified to battle the villains of Beacon Hills? Read up on the ruthless lady prisoners, and take our poll!
Piper Chapman: She struck us as a too-smart-for-her-own-britches wuss early on in the series, but Piper gradually redeemed herself. First, she went head-to-head with Red; then she put the beatdown on Pennsatucky, punching that snaggle-tooth grin right off her face. Can’t you see Pipes winning a battle of wits against the evil Deucalion?
Galina “Red” Reznikov: The angry Russian (former) chef has an “in” with the mob and won’t hesitate to scheme her way out of a dangerous situation — or strangle you with plastic wrap in much the same way the Darach attempted to choke out Lydia.
Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren: She may seem soft and innocent at times, but the self-proclaimed “rose in a world of dandelions” will turn on you in a heartbeat, leaving you bloodied and sobbing on a dirty bathroom floor.
Tiffany “Pennsatucky” Doggett: The Southern prison belle is besties with Jesus and definitely softened up during Season 2, but she’s also been known to threaten gals with a mighty sharp crucifix.
Yvonne “Vee” Parker: This evil drug dealer will hit you upside the head and kill her own family if it means making a quick buck. But could she take down a werejaguar? Probably.
While the slock-slinging Vee may be an obvi choice for bashing in the heads of Beacon Hills’ biggest bad guys, the other inmates of Litchfield also have their fair share of ass-kicking talent. Carefully consider each of their scrappy skill sets, then cast your vote — and be sure to catch a new episode of “Teen Wolf” next Monday at 10/9c!
GIFs & photo via Buzzfeed, Netflix