By Maurice Bobb
If there were no brawls or drinks thrown in someone's face or security guards rushing in to separate two fighters, can “Three way, No way” really be considered an episode of “Love & Hip Hop Atlanta”?
LHHATL’s existential crisis notwithstanding, last week’s dramatic earthquakes produced enough aftershocks to fill up this week’s hour of ratchet television.
Joseline met Althea in the studio and the former was very suspicious of the latter’s involvement with Stevie J in light of all the gossip floating around about her “loving the crew.” The whole scene felt like an alley-oop for the show to hint at the Joseline-finds-out-“Hoe-thea”-slept-with-her-husband coming in a future episode.
Karlie Redd and Kalenna Harper went mattress shopping and viewers learned that the former Diddy Dirty Money singer goes both ways sexually, especially when it comes to her best friend Ashley.
“It’s always been my dream to have a wife and a husband,” she said. “But I know that that don’t work like that but damn, it feel good to have a best friend with a fat ass that’s beautiful and smile is pretty. Ooh!”
Looks like Kirk Frost’s creeper move to pop up on wife Rasheeda in New Orleans and save his marriage worked like a charm because the couple woke up in bed together after a night of makeup sex.
“I just decided, it’s time to stop fighting,” Rasheeda said. “It’s gonna take some time to get back to that place we once were, but I will say we definitely started off with a bang.”
Kirk agreed to meet up his wife’s mother Shirleen one more time to smooth things over, but nothing will ever be smooth between those two.
Mimi Faust met with Nikko -- after kicking him out of her home last week -- to discuss the sex tape, again, with Dawn.
“The closer it gets to this tape release, the more nervous I get,” Mimi said. “That’s why it’s important for me to trust and rely on Nikko.”
Nikko’s focus was still on the financial windfall coming their way though. He even mentioned they could make a sequel, which prompted Mimi to make a beeline for the door.
Joseline laid down a new track in the studio and Stevie J actually thinks his wife “got a smash on her hands.”
A funny thing said by Joseline: “I feel like I could win a Grammy for this song.”
Mimi said “I like what I like” when Ariane took her to task about her choices in men, especially when it came to Nikko, who, according to Ariane, definitely leaked the sex tape.
“How can I not believe the man that I love?” Mimi asked when Ariane prodded her about the sex tape getting out.
Steebie and the Puerto Rican Princess auditioned dancers for her upcoming showcase with a very specific directive: the up-and-coming rap star wanted everything to be “sexy, ratchet and classy.”
Stevie and Joseline were both enamored with the same girl, Paige, who they couldn’t help but watch walk out as if she were a piece of meat after her audition was over.
“Jesus!” the couple said in unison.
Kalenna felt the need to ghost-ride the whip when her friend Ashley arrived. And then, for no apparent reason at all, they both did the “twerk and work” at a red light.
Althea made Benzino a romantic cheese plate by the fireplace to tell him that he wasn’t keeping it 100 because he never discussed the fact that he knew she slept with his best friend.
“It’s like the Army, don’t ask don’t f--kin’ tell,” Zino told her. “I didn’t wana f--kin’ think about it.”
Too late now, Zino. You can’t “unknow” the fact that Althea slept with the homie.
Kalenna’s husband, Tony, was worried that Ashley would derail his wife’s focus for finishing her new album, but he needn’t have worried at all because Ashley has what’s known as “asspiration.”
“Ashley’s ass is definitely gonna help me with the Black Orchid project because she has a fat one,” Kalenna said. “When I see it, I get creative and I wanna write records.”
Tony’s dreams of a ménage à trois went down in flames, though, when the two ladies left him with the dirty dishes downstairs while they opted to go upstairs to “twerk and work” sans the third wheel.
The unfortunate bookend for this episode was Benzino getting the call from his father that his mother had died. With tears falling down his face, the former co-founder of The Source tried to talk about losing the woman that gave birth to him. “My whole world just came to an end,” he said. “I feel bad for anybody out there that lost their mother cause it ain’t easy.”
“Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” airs Monday nights at 8 p.m. on VH1.