Imagine if every music festival were assigned the identity of a different pop star. Beyoncé would be Glastonbury, what with her ability to unite all people for a common good (i.e., worshipping Bey), and “Sneakernight” icon Vanessa Hudgens would be Coachella because end of discussion. With her whole #StopTheDrama #StartTheMusic ethos, Lady Gaga gets Woodstock ’69, while Miley Cyrus can def have Woodstock ’99.
But, what about “The Monster” singer? Can’t remember to forget her. After a lot of thought, I’ve settled on Hangout Fest, which heads down to Gulf Shores, AL this weekend with live sets by Outkast, The Black Keys, Tegan & Sara, Bleachers, The Killers, Le1f, Girl Talk, Danny Brown, and more. Don’t agree? Maybe this will convince you.
First off, it’s on the beach.
And, if it’s the beach that you want, then you can make Rih your girl.
Which reminds us: FRESH SEAFOOD.
As we all know, Rihanna doesn’t just go H.A.M. — she goes C.R.U.S.T.A.C.E.A.N.
Assembling a beach look is also key to Hangout Fest.
Rihanna’s swimsuit game? Phlawless.
IT BEARS RIH-PEATING.
Sh– can get pretty nuts.
You might forget who you are for a hot sec.
You might even forget what you look like.
I mean, OutKast is playing, so BYE @ all your lesser memories.
Just be flexible…
…Go with the flow…
…And you’ll have a great time.
Oh, and NO SLOW LORISES. Someone will DEFINITELY get in legal trouble for that.