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The Donald Trump Songbook: 'America The Beautiful'

Here is an updated version of the song that more accurately captures Trump's view of America

A major part of Donald Trump's pitch to "Make America Great Again" is trying to prove that America has fallen into the Bog of Eternal Stench since President Obama was first inaugurated. As Trump's poll numbers have grown harder to brag about, this part of his strategy has grown more pronounced. His convention speech featured the words, "death, destruction, weakness, crisis, and the crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon come to an end." When talking to mostly white audiences, he tries to reach out to black voters by saying, "You can go to war zones in countries that we are fighting and it's safer than living in some of our inner cities that are run by the Democrats. ... Look, it is a disaster the way African Americans are living."

It doesn't seem likely that he is about to unearth anything positive about America that doesn't involve the prospect of him running it in the 76 days that remain until the election, so we decided to give him a hand and adapt some patriotic American fare so that it more accurately captures his views. As we learned from Mitt Romney, you never know when you might need to start belting "America the Beautiful" at a campaign rally — and as the song currently stands, it doesn't quite work.

O beautiful rapacious crimes,

Or scarlet waves of pain,

Or death, destruction, amnesties

Above the jobless plain!

America! America!

Trump shed His grace on thee

And crown thy good with great again

From me to shining me!

O beautiful for Trump's voice,

Which echoes through the press

A thoroughfare for greatness beat

Across this lawless mess!

America! America!

Trump mend thine every flaw,

Confirm thy soul sans self-control,

Thy liberty in order and law!

O beautiful for heroes proved

In not getting captured,

But let's move on, forget of that,

RADICAL ISLAMIC TERROR!

America! America!

May Trump thy gold enshrine,

Till all success be his to possess,

And every gain declined!

O beautiful for patriot dream

That's blind beyond the wall,

Thine tremendous problems often mean

We're not a good model!

America! America!

Trump shed His grace on thee

And crown thy blues in hurtful ooze

What do you have to lose?