On Tuesday night, self-described presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump announced that he was excited to start racing against Hillary Clinton. "The only card she has is the woman’s card; she’s got nothing else going," he said. It wasn't the first time that Trump, hated by most women in the country, brought up this magical card that is supposed to sprinkle votes on campaigning ladies like Disney Princess dust. He told Fox News in December that "She’s playing that woman’s card left and right."
Despite Trump's comments that Clinton wouldn't "get 5 percent of the vote" if she were a man, the New York Times brings up the obvious fact that being a woman hasn't been much of a boon for people trying to get elected.
So, there's no way that Trump was talking about that woman's card, right? Right??? Maybe he meant these...?
1. The Woman's Card, brought to you by Visa
According to the Bank of Cyprus's website, it used to offer a "Woman's Card" credit card. The bank says that it was "the first and only card in Cyprus, exclusively designed for women. It offers all the advantages of a credit card, whilst at the same time rewarding you with points that can be redeemed for vouchers, for free purchases at stores that women love. Such stores include clothing and shoe shops, home appliance stores, cosmetic stores, jewellery shops, optical stores, travel agencies, and many more." The Woman's Card also gives you mammogram discounts.
The website notes that this card is no longer offered, which means that this probably wasn't the card that Trump was talking about. Clinton has definitely not talked about this woman's card, either — rather, she's focused on its nonexistence. "Last time I checked, there’s no discount for being a woman,” she said earlier this month. "Groceries don’t cost us less, rent doesn’t cost us less, so why should we be paid less?"
A film released in 1913, described by the Salt Lake Tribune as "a hilarious comedy — 1,000 feet of 'laughs.'" It is unclear what the plot of the film might be, or why "laughs" is in scare quotes. It seems unlikely Trump was talking about this woman's card, either.
3. The woman's calling card
According to the July 19, 1903 edition of the San Francisco Call, the calling card is "one of the most significant trifles in this complex world."
Indeed. There is also a massive difference between a man's calling card and that of a woman, per the Call. "There is the married woman's card. It is always a trifle over three inches long and a trifle over two inches wide." (In 1903, it was against the law not to use "trifle" in a sentence.) "A man's card," however, "like his hat, is smaller than a woman's. It is a domino-shaped affair, seldom more than three by one and a half." Since Trump seems overly worried about the size of the woman's card, he may have been talking about this.
4. The Woman's Card and Label League
5. A woman's winning card
According to the "Of Interest to Women" column in a 1904 edition of the Camden Chronicle, "a woman's winning card is cheerfulness. ... while the heart of a cold, over-reserved or melancholy woman is like a grim, forbidding fortress without doors or windows to give a man foothold. ... to drop all similes, men like a cheerful woman. She attracts them every time. And they don't like and never will like a woman with a long face and moping, melancholy ways."
Although Donald Trump has also complained about “cold” and “moping” women, saying that Megyn Kelly had "blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever” and that Rosie O’Donnell is “crude, rude, obnoxious, and dumb,” he probably wasn’t talking about this winning card.
6. Woman's (library) card
OK, we're really stretching this now, but hear us out. A Florida newspaper published the headline, "29 books 'stolen': Deceased woman's card is used at Largo Library" in 1983. Some unknown person stole a dead woman's library card and checked out books like Trigonometry for the Practical Man, How to Figure the Odds on Everything, and a user's manual for a 1973 Pontiac. If a practical man did steal the woman's card, maybe it was because he thought women's library cards were unfairly superior? But we know that the only books Trump likes are The Art of the Deal and the Bible, so he probably wasn't referring to women's library cards.
Since we ruled out all of these other woman's cards, it seems like we have no option but to assume that Trump was just trying to be insulting, something that became even more clear when he brought the "woman's card" up on Thursday on the Today show: "Nobody respects women more than I do. And I wasn’t playing the woman’s card; it’s true she is playing the woman’s card. Everything she says is about the woman’s card. Frankly, all I’m doing is bringing out the obvious, and without the woman’s card Hillary would not even be a viable person to run for a city council position."
We can only hope that he'll explain the specific benefits of this card in greater detail in the upcoming weeks, and say whether the government will continue to give them out when he is president — with even better deals.