[caption id="attachment_206149" align="alignleft" width="220"] Lionsgate[/caption]
According to the search I just completed 17 seconds ago, Google defines the word "kinky" as "remove your safe search." Wait, sorry, that's not right. One second.
According to the search I just completed 48 seconds ago, Google (and then Wikipedia) defines the word "kinky" as "a term used to refer to an intelligent and playful usage of sexual concepts which are overt, accentuated, unambiguously expressive of sexuality."
Seems excessive, no? For the purpose of this list, we're pretty much defining "kinky" as "Hey, look, a hot sex scene." [SFX: Whip crack] Like you're going to complain. Especially with Joseph Gordon-Levitt's "Don Jon" coming out this week.
Here now are the 10, er, "kinkiest" sex scenes in movie history, generally embedded from sketchier websites than Youtube. And, yeah, you probably shouldn't watch any of these videos at work unless you want to get fired or start a really weird NSFW-themed relationship with your boss.
You could argue that the worst mistake of my life was the time I decided to purchase "A History of Violence" in the middle seat of a cross-country flight six years ago, but then I would say, "That's weird that you even know that about me. How long have you been following me?" But seriously folks, my elbows have never gotten a better workout than those two hours where they half-heartedly blocked the screen from being watched by the twin 9-year-olds on either side of me. Don't say I never did anything to improve the world, everybody. Otherwise, Jill and Johnny (feel weird even writing those names out) would have asked their parents why people hump on staircases sometimes. You're welcome.
This scene takes the number one spot for being on a meta level of kinkiness - the scene itself is "kinky" in that the two characters comically try 4,390 different sexual positions, but the notion of making dolls have a bunch of over-the-top sex is on a separate level of kinkiness itself. (This has been Nick Blake filling in for Andy Rooney, goodnight.) Somehow both oddly and predictably, the most memorable part of this scene is and will always be the song. "All I ask is that you're a womaaaannnnnn." Words to live by. "Team America" remains a staggeringly underrated masterpiece, in no small part because of the above three minutes.