Indeed, let's move on to those movie posters that outdo themselves in the gun department. To those posters who can ask us to "check out these guns" without making us want to vomit.
Posters with three guns or four guns or even six guns need not apply. This is the creme de la creme, folks.
The nine posters with the most guns. Let's lock and load! (Sorry. So, so sorry.)
9. 'Act of Valour' (2012) — 7 Guns
Let's be serious: There was no way anyone appearing on the "Act of Valour" poster was going to be without a gun. They are all silhouettes, indistinguishable in anyone's eyes except that they are marines with machine guns. That's what the entire movie encompassed. Of course, I didn't see the movie, but it would have been a relative shock had it featured any character that didn't regularly carry around an assault rifle. In fact, had the previews showcased a diminutive guy with glasses who served as the agent for the seven marines and made pithy comments as they blew stuff up around him, I probably would have seen the movie. For shame, "Act of Valour." You missed out on my 12 dollars.
8. 'The Guns of Fort Pettitcoat' (1957) — 7 Guns
Before we even get to the notion of this poster containing multiple guns, I'd like to go ahead and declare my love for it overall. Is the male in the "Guns of Fort Petticoat" poster wearing a skin-colored scarf or does he only button his shirts halfway all the time? What is the benefit of even acknowledging any other frontier annal? What is that square bubble at the top? Are they about to kiss or is the guy just really fascinated by her chin? What an amazing poster. Also, it has seven guns: two held by the main guy, and one held by each of the five ladies behind him. You could argue there are more in the distant background or over the main lady's left shoulder, but if you did it would be just to be intentionally difficult, so please do not.
7. 'The Magnificent Seven' (1960) — 7 Guns
There are seven individuals who are magnificent, so it stands to reason that there would be seven guns in the movie poster. But it's somewhat difficult to locate all seven; it seems that some are more "magnificent" than others regarding the size of their guns, if you know what I mean. What I mean is, some of them have small guns. The gentleman in the vest and tie, for example, is holding a gun that's the size of a bar of soap. I don't know if this makes him more clever than his magnificent co-workers, but it made his gun harder to find on this poster. And if you're wondering why this took the #7 spot when it had the same amount of guns as the other two, it's because this.
6. 'Guns of the Magnificent Seven' (1969) — 11 Guns
Not satisfied with the mere seven guns on the original film's poster, the producers of "Guns of the Magnificent Seven" upped the ante with a solid 11 guns, give or take a "that guy second from the top looks like he's holding a banjo or a baseball bat or something but it might be a gun" or a "there's a 12th gun in the holster of the guy on the bottom left but it isn't being used so I'm not counting it because it's my list and this." Amazing tagline, by the way: "THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN ARE BACK (KIND OF, EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE BEING PLAYED BY DIFFERENT ACTORS) ... AND THEY DON'T AIM TO PLEASE." Good to know. They might please you, but they aren't aiming to do it.
5. 'Seven Guns for the MacGregors' (1966) — 12 Guns
This one's tricky: We have seven hands holding seven guns on the right, presumably belonging to the MacGregor family (or aimed at the MacGregor family, which, sorry, guys). Then we have a bazooka/cannon-like projectile weapon held by the bowl-cut guy at the bottom, who showed up to this fight like he was going on an expensive date with it. The two people next to him have their own guns. The 11th and 12th guns come from the top of the poster, where one gentleman has a pistol and another has a rifle. All in all, solid showing from a random Italian movie about the old west featuring a main character named "Gregor MacGregor."
4. 'The Expendables 2' (2012) — 22 Guns
You can always count on Sly Stallone's lack of subtlety, whether it be his characters or his foreign commercials or his HGH-ified physique or his movie posters. In this one, there are a lot of guns (22 of them, I counted all by myself), a lot of knives (22 of them, I counted all by myself), and what appears to be the aluminum skull of a human, though I don't remember them killing Wolverine in either of the two films. Perhaps it was a deleted scene. Bonus points for the last names of the actors in the middle of that logo, though there are so many that it's hard not to think Sly could have fit a random one in there for giggles. How funny would it have been if it was just "Stallone Statham Li Lundgren Norris Winfrey Crews Couture" etc.
3. 'The Expendables' (2010) — 26 Guns
Yeah, so the poster for "The Expendables 2" is super-cool and badass until you see that the poster for "The Expendables" had four more guns. Where did they go for the sequel? Needless to say, it's a riddle that will be asked around campfires for generations to come. And if you say, "Well, fine, but what about the knives?," nope, there are more of those, too. Did "The Expendables 2" go soft on us and no one noticed? At least the skull in this one seems to be some sort of amalgamation of aluminum and bone as opposed to the sequel's full-fledged metal. There's also a certain unspoken shame in neither of these posters making the top two on this list, if we're really being honest with ourselves.
2. 'The Mechanic' (2011) — 29 Guns
"29 guns?," you say to yourself with skepticism. "But I only count 28." That's because you haven't yet lived, young (wo)man. Look again. "Oh, I didn't count the large gun that the smaller guns make up the first time! Have I lived now?" No. Other people who don't live: Those who try to challenge either of Statham or Foster in this movie, as evidenced by the assorted pistols, assault rifles, small knives, large knives, grenades (!) and bazooka on this poster, and the fact that no one who has ever challenged Jason Statham at anything has ever lived, a streak sure to depressingly break in the next "Fast and Furious" installment.
1. 'Lord of War' (2005) — Indeterminable Amount of Guns
Strictly due to the fact that it is literally impossible to determine how many guns are on this poster for "Lord of War," I think we are looking at the all-time unconquerable winner for guns on a movie poster. If you told me there were 75 guns on this poster, I'd believe you. If you told me there were 1,285 guns on this poster, I'd say "No way ..." before looking at it again and convincing myself you were telling the truth. The possibilities are endless. "Lord of War" also serves as Nicolas Cage's last watchable movie, a streak which may also sadly last forever. (frowns)