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It's a good thing Angelina Jolie became a movie star. Her distractingly sexy features would surely cause a slew of on-the-job injuries if she was, say, a Starbucks barista or a crossing guard (think of all the scaldings and run-over children!).
Yes, it's for the public's own safety that this reluctant spawn of Voight be kept behind the protective barriers reserved for our Hollywood royalty, athletes and political leaders.
For over a decade, Jolie's upsettingly pouty lips and model-esque figure have defined "sex symbol" to the Western world (and "possible mommy" to the developing one). She'll soon be appearing with Johnny Depp (the only man prettier than her) in the upcoming "The Tourist," and the sexy factor might be off the charts.
Here's our list of Angelina's most alluring roles.
9. 'Salt' (2010)
Not to question our nation's security agencies (or sound sexist), but is it really wise having a CIA agent that looks like Angelina Jolie? She sort of sticks out in a crowd. But who else can serve up such convincing beatings on bad guys while looking so hot and mysterious? Jolie's most seductive feature (besides her Jessica Rabbit looks) is always appearing like she knows something we don't. But in "Salt," as a spy accused of planning a murder she insists she knows nothing about, her rare vulnerability renders her all the more attractive.
8. 'Alexander' (2004)
Jolie writhed and schemed as Alexander the Great's socially inappropriate MILF in this Oliver Stone 2004 mega-bomb. Dressed like she should be chained to Jabba the Hut's wrist, Angelina both turned on and confused the few folks who actually went to the theater. Talk about barking up the wrong tree: She jealously coveted her own son, Alexander (Colin Farrell) who was A) gay and B) her son! Adding to the weirdness was the fact that, in real life, Angelina is only a year older than Colin.
7. 'Gone in 60 Seconds' (2000)
If real car thieves looked like Sway (yes, Sway is the name of Jolie's character), it might take the sting out of the whole carjacking experience -- which has gotten such a bad rap from the elitist media. Helping Nic Cage steal 50 exotic cars in five days, Jolie also steals the show and makes that unfortunate, deteriorating dreadlock look of hers almost work (there's a lot of dark scenes).
6. 'Original Sin' (2001)
Most film critics weren't blown away by this period melodrama, but the steamy scenes of passion between Julia (Jolie) and her "too sexy for his shirt" co-star, Antonio Banderas, left viewers forgiving the cheesy dialogue and glacial pacing. So sit back, hit the mute button, and fast forward to those well-lit vignettes of sensual sponge baths and daytime lovemaking in canopy beds.
5. 'Girl Interrupted' (1999)
Many folks got their first glimpse of Angelina when she played the sociopathic Lisa in this tale of young women trying to find their sanity in a mental hospital in the late 1960s. Whether screaming her head off, manipulating friends into suicide, or seducing a soda jerk by sucking on a cherry, "crazy" is just another name for "personality" when you've got cheekbones like that.
4. 'Mr. And Mrs. Smith' (2005)
Everyone but Jennifer Aniston loved Jolie as a housewife with a secret in this action-comedy hit. Angelina cleans up nicely as Jane, a pearl-wearing domestic diva with a murderous side gig. She and Brad Pitt got a bit too far into character off the set, but the newly blossoming romance between them translates into sizzling sexual tension on the screen. Sorry, Jennifer -- we don't mean to linger on this...but it was pretty freakin' hot.
3. 'Beowulf' (2007)
Any student who got through this ancient epic poem no doubt had the same thought afterwards: this should -- nay -- MUST be turned into an all CGI movie with an Angelina Jolie avatar playing the monster Grendel's mommy. And boy did the animators spare no shame in rendering her nude, yet detail-free form -- she has high heels built into her feet for god's sake! And the less said about her stroking Beowulf's sword until it melts, the better.
2. 'Lara Croft: Tomb Raider' (2001)
In 2001, 13-year-old boys everywhere couldn't believe it -- the dream was finally happening: Their ultimate fantasy woman had A) actually heard of the video game "Tomb Raider," and B) agreed to play its tank-top clad heroine in a movie. And this movie would be in real theaters -- not just in the boys' heads. It did not disappoint. Besides non-stop action that rarely got dragged down by plot or cohesion, the film bent over backwards to feature endless scenarios in which Jolie's breasts and midriff could be bent over backwards.
1. 'Wanted' (2008)
Jolie may be at her best as this woman of few words, flexible feats and devastating glances. Playing an assassin named Fox (get it? 'cause she's a fox), Jolie shows James McAvoy the bullet-bending ropes with her steely cool moves and come hither looks -- and so many tattoos. What man wouldn't want this siren to lure him away from his mind-numbing job and overbearing ex into a secret society of assassins? And Morgan Freeman was there, too.
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