"Team," Iggy Azalea's "comeback single," dropped today. The sarcastic quote marks are because she wants you to forget the fact that she already released a comeback single two months ago. It was the trippy, electronic "Azillion," which she dropped on SoundCloud not with a bang but with the whiz-crack of a centuries-old musket that backfires after you find it in your Confederate soldier great-grandfather's basement. As if on brand for the name of her forthcoming album, Digital Distortion, her voice was Auto-Tuned to hell and laid atop a GarageBand EDM beat. It was not received warmly. It wasn't received at all, really, judging from her label's response.
Aside from threatening something akin to a drive-by shooting, Iggy also blamed Virgin EMI president Ted Cockle for not being on her team because he didn't want to see her shine. For the record, the U.K. label released an Avicii album last year, so clearly the standard isn't that high. But this seems to be a motivating factor in the release of Iggy's latest single, "Team." On the chorus, she chants, "Baby, I got me / Only friend I need playing on my team." For anyone else, it might sound like a defiant anthem of self-empowerment. For Iggy, it sounds dark as hell.
Remember when Jay Z announced the death of Auto-Tune? We might need him to send out a funeral pyre for hashtag rap. When even Nicki Minaj and Drake sound corny using the "(insert pun on a name) / call me (actual name)" formula, it sounds downright pitiful when Iggy spits rhymes like "Keep 'em shooting / Reggie Miller" and "You gotta get the score right / Call me Hans Zimmer." She couldn't find anything that rhymed with "Ennio Morricone"?
Halfway through her lyric dance video (which consists of gorgeous, nonwhite dancers in denim doing dope choreography), you realize that any extant trace of zeal Iggy may have possessed has been focus-grouped to hell. Because that's the type of video that trends on BuzzFeed — but only if it's to like, "Work" or "Formation," girl. Not some rejected Brooke Hogan beat with awkward rapping and a chorus that reminds you that not only can Iggy not rap, she can't really sing, either. How many chances are we going to give her? Let's put it this way: When it's an injustice that you've released more albums than Rita Ora, it might be time to do some soul searching.