It happens to be Friday, and as a result, it's time for the best and the worst of this week's trailers. Now, I have to level with you. This week it's mostly worst, with a huge batch of silly kids movies and a few other dumb-dumb items thrown in for good measure. But, what's actually good will blow you right away.
From the dizzying heights of Wall Street comes Martin Scorsese's latest shiny bauble, while down in the dumps is Robert De Niro waving a gun and barking like a crazy man. Never fear however, there's everything in between from animated films about turkeys to exotic British cop thrillers, terrifying found footage horror schlock to the perfect, remarkable depiction of the devastation of alcoholism. Sounds depressing, but it's actually great.
In any case, let us make with all alarming alacrity towards the trailers, and find our fate sealed therein.
Maybe the best movie ever? Scorsese is back with his main man DiCaprio, in a period piece about greed, women, power, sex and money. No, it's not Gatsby 2, it's something better, a millionaire playboy deeply embedded in Wall Street. Get ready to love everything about the next few minutes, this trailer will improve your life. It's also kind of hard to explain with words. It's just beyond.
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jon Favreau, Spike Jonze
Release Date: November 15, 2013
What happens when best friends who work together and hang out all the time end up dating other people? Can their friendship survive? This comedy looks amazing, filled with brains and beauty both. But, I mean, if I was any of these people I would have trouble picking between the two options offered to me. Hilarious and charming. Must see.
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Olivia Wilde, Jake Johnson
Release Date: July 25, 2013
One of the best films from the Sundance Film Festival centers on the problems of young love, coming of age, and teenage alcoholism. Director James Ponsoldt is best known for directing "Smashed" and this film is built of the same beautiful stuff, elegant, strong and charming. Shailene Woodley gives a knockout performance, but it's Miles Teller
Starring: Shailene Woodley, Miles Teller, Jennifer Jason Leigh
Release Date: August 2, 2013
A family of cops descend into madness in this thriller with a twist that is totally given away in the middle of it so don't watch maybe, but there's lots of Shakespearean backstabbing and plotting and Paul Bettany doing his thing which is perfection. From the dark mood to the despairing ending, "Blood" tells a terrifying tale of vengeance.
Starring: Paul Bettany, Mark Strong, Brian Cox
Release Date: 2013
5.) 'Crystal Fairy'
A strange little comedic ditty of a film finds Michael Cera trying to take drugs with a bunch of new found friends in South America, leading him on both a quest for the drugs and a spirit journey once they are found. If you've ever wanted to see another side of Michael Cera, this is your chance. Director Sebastian Silva won directing awards at Sundance for this and his other fantastic film, "Magic Magic".
Starring: Michael Cera, Gaby Hoffmann, Agustín Silva
Release Date: 2013
5.) 'Anchorman 2'
The boys are back in town! So many years after the stirring success of "Anchorman" comes the sequel, only now, everyone in it is way more famous than they were. It's the '80s and Ron Burgundy will struggle to stay relevant on the news. I
Starring: Steve Carell, Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd
Release Date: December 20, 2013
6.) 'Touchy Feely'
Another film from Sundance, unfortunately not as good as it should have been. The tale of a masseuse and her sudden aversion to touching people, as she struggles to get along with her depressed brother and his concerned daughter. The film is sweet enough and vivid, though it lacks some mysterious essential quality. But hey, decide for yourself.
Starring: Rosemarie DeWitt, Scoot McNairy, Ellen Page
Release Date: Sept. 6, 2013
7.) 'Empire State'
A period piece! With Hemmy! Bank heist in the '70s or '80s or something, who knows. A security guard who has always wanted to become a cop gets caught up in the middle of fraud and worse. Thrilling! Maybe. Remains to be seen if it's actually any good, as Emma Roberts and Liam Hemsworth tend to be a little… how you say… lackluster. Also, The Rock will be in every action movie ever, from here on out. Get used to it.
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Liam Hemsworth, Emma Roberts
Release Date: August 23, 2013
Finally a found-footage horror film that plays artfully on the genre. Sure, it still looks crappy and formulaic, but at least there's a framework in place. If you can get past imagining Stephen Moyer always about to say "Sookie!" then you've got a story about an artful serial killer, and a series of tapes found at a crime scene. Watch the tapes, uncover the murders.
Starring: Nolan Gerard Funk, Stephen Moyer, Torrey DeVitto
Release Date: July 19, 2013
9.) 'The Colony'
In the future, the entire planet has fallen prey to global warming and it never stops snowing, for some reason. There's foul play afoot, someone has to investigate, stuff's going down, and the remaining survivors must protect their dwindling numbers from an even more serious threat. I just feel that maybe we've seen this movie many times. Show us something new!
Starring: Laurence Fishburne, Kevin Zegers, Bill Paxton
Release Date: 2013
10.) 'Free Birds'
Another terrible animated film that no one really wants to see, but hey, it's about a turkey who is pardoned by the president, and then travels back in time in order to save all turkeys, ever. Kind of cute? Not really, but again, maybe a child will love it! Since that's who this movie is for. Children.
Starring: Owen Wilson, Woody Harrelson, Amy Poehler
Release Date: November 1, 2013
11.) 'The Lego Movie'
A movie with legos in it! Starring in it! Yeah! This is a hugely heavy week for animated children's movies, and this one looks like it will please anyone with a fifth grade imagination and a true love of legos. Batman shows up at one point. Quips. There's some jokes, I mean. Ugh.
Starring: Elizabeth Banks, Morgan Freeman, Will Arnett
Release Date: 2014
Animated teaser trailer, I don't even know what this movie is actually about since this teaser is just a snowman and an… elk? fighting over a carrot. Literally. Kids will maybe like this movie when we finally find out what it's about, but until then… elk. Carrot. Stuff.
Starring: Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, Idina Menzel
Release Date: November 27, 2013
Low-budget, low-rent fake DePalma looking crap. Heather Graham plays a chef who finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her, and decides to get crazy and stalk her neighbor Carrie-Anne Moss. You guyyyys, remember when they were both in better movies? No, me either really, but this one just looks like a weird high-school play. Does Kevin Dillon look like a cheaper Ethan Hawke to anyone? Just me? OK.
Starring: Mike Chikoski, Matt Connors, Kevin Dillon
Release Date: June 21, 2013
14.) 'Killing Season'
Ha ha ha. Okay, so Robert De Niro is some kind of war guy and also a dad, and then John Travolta is Russian or something, and seriously this stuff is mesmerizing, how did it even get made? Like, it can't even matter what happens, it's all guns and punching and glaring. Give yourself a good laugh and drink this one in.
Starring: Robert De Niro, John Travolta, Milo Ventimiglia
Release Date: July 12, 2013
Come back next week for more rankings and way more trailers!