The opportunity for fireworks was prime at Vicki Gunvalson's dinner party, what with the tension between Alexis Bellino and Peggy Tanous over the fact that Peggy dated Alexis' hubby about ten thousand years ago. But surprisingly, it wasn't until two besties went on a weekender that the arguing began on The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Tamra Barney planned a birthday getaway for herself with boyfriend Eddie, her gal pal Vicki, and Vicki's new boyfriend. But before they even arrived at their destination, the fun was minimal. Between errant nose hairs, too many tequila shots and some ill-timed groping, Tamra's romantic getaway was headed in the same direction as every other Housewives trip: To a place where a guy with horns and a pitchfork reigns.

We also learned more about the newest Housewife, Heather Dubrow. In a nutshell, she's filthy rich, looks awesome for just having had a baby and seems to have a pretty perfect life.  She doesn't even need to be a bitch to draw the ire of the other ladies, and Alexis has already started in on her a bit.

Finally, Gretchen Rossi did a photo shoot to promote some of her new handbags and called Slade "her bitch."

Patron, anyone?

VICKI (98)

-- At Vicki's dinner party, some of the prissier ladies are put off by the crawdads that Vicki serves as part of her Southern-inspired feast. They have no problem ripping off each other's heads from time to time, but tearing off a crustacean's noggin? They are SO above it! (-3)

-- Vicki is packing for her trip to Catalina with her new man, Tamra and Eddie. On the phone with Brooks, she tells the Mississippi man he needs to bring "a really cute shirt that I got you," jeans, dress shoes, a baseball cap and sunglasses. Then she says, in confessional, "I think I met my match with Brooks. He won't allow me to tell him what to do." Hahaha -- I love Bravo's video editing (-2)

-- Riding in the back of the limo, Brooks gives Vicki a sweet, sappy greeting card, which she reads out loud (+2)

-- She then tells Tamra that Stuart Smalley Brooks gives her daily affirmations, too (+1)

-- Brooks jokes that he brought his Crocs to wear during the weekend. At least we thought he was joking until Vicki says he actually has them and wears them out all the time. We cannot dispute the comfort of Crocs, but at least we keep their ugliness within the confines of our home (-2)

-- Brooks tells Tamra that he wants to be exclusive with Vicki. (Somewhere, Don is like, "thank you, Jesus!") (+3)

-- After everyone does a few shots, Vicki and Eddie are play-flirting a little bit, so in retaliation, Tamra grabs Brooks' hand and uses it to grab her breast (-4)

-- Despite the Crocs news and Boobgate, Vicki still manages two boisterous "Woo hoos!" during this episode (+3)

Net gain/loss: -2

Current total: 96

TAMRA (87)

-- Has planned a trip to Catalina with Eddie, Vicki and Brooks for her birthday.  In the limo, Tamra points out Eddie's nose hairs, pulls out a personal trimmer and grooms him in front of the others. Who says romance is dead? (-3)

-- Luckily, Eddie has more couth than to pull out a jug of deep conditioner and insist Tamra use it on her over-styled hair, which looks like a bale of hay (+2)

-- Tamra encourages everyone to do tequila shots. Didn't she learn in college that no good EVER comes of taking tequila shots? (-2)

-- Eddie and Vicki start flirting a bit, but nothing that anyone would take seriously -- except Tamra (-1)

-- Her solution is to grab Brooks' hand and rub it on her boobs. Did we just accidentally change the station to Jersey Shore, or did that really happen? (-5)

-- Tamra tells Eddie to stop drinking. He calls her a "f***ing idiot" and says what she just did was bulls***. Tequila: it'll getcha every time (-4)

-- Eddie is pissed with a capital P. He and Tamra walk out holding hands and smiling, but they're still wearing mics, so Bravo catches their heated little exchange. To be continued next week, of course... (-2)

Net gain/loss: -15

Current total: 72

HEATHER (110)

-- At Vicki's party, Heather winds up telling the story of her husband's "terrible" marriage proposal, which happened during a flight to Paris. She wished he would've waited until they arrived, but nobody could really muster up much sympathy for her (-2)

-- When Heather mentions she's an actress, Alexis is skeptical: "I've never seen one movie she's been in." (-2)

-- Viewers see Heather's house for the first time and we learn this about her: She's from New York, has four kids, she designed and built her house with her husband over the course of six years. The house has an elevator and a movie theater. Her kids go to expensive private schools. The area she lives in "is like Billionaire's Row." Suddenly, we hate her a little bit, but we can't dock her points for having an awesome life (+5)

-- Heather and her husband are Jewish, but also Buddhist. They call themselves Buu-Jews (+1)

-- On their way to a party, her husband, Terry, decides to use his yarmulke as a pocket square. This might be our favorite part of the episode (+2)

Net gain/loss: +4

Current total: 114

GRETCHEN (95)

-- At Vicki's party, Tamra calls out Gretchen at the table, saying she looks like she had her lips done. Gretchen denies it, saying she just used some really good lip plumping lipstick. Does she really expect us to believe that? (-2)

-- Gretchen is one of the party guests who can't handle the idea of eating the crawdads. She says, "It was disgusting. I don't want to be eating out of a trash bag!" Right. We forgot she prefers d-bags like Slade instead (-3)

-- She later sits down with Slade and tells him about the dinner party. Gretchen says she feels degraded because Heather called her "cute" a couple of times. Yeah, I hate it when people give me compliments. It's a terrible feeling (-2)

-- Goes to a photo shoot to promote a handbag she designed to support breast cancer awareness. She will raise awareness by baring her own breasts (+1)

-- When she arrives to the shoot, I cannot believe how different Gretchen looks without makeup, which makes me realize HOW MUCH makeup she piles on every day. Most people usually resemble themselves sans makeup, but not her (-4)

-- As she orders Slade around form the hair and makeup chair, she tells cameras that he's her bitch. Gretchen says she tests out all her hair and makeup and tanning products on him. We think this needs to be captured by Bravo cameras (+3)

Net gain/loss: -7

Current total: 88

ALEXIS (93)

-- At Vicki's, Alexis takes a few digs at the new girl, Heather, who says she's an actress: "I've never seen one movie she's been in. Angelina Jolie is an actress." Uh, wasn't it just last week that Alexis was comparing herself to Katie Couric? (-4)

-- When the crawdads are served, Alexis the Journalist describes them: "They slammed on the table these things with tentacles, and these things, and eyeballs, and legs and ugggggh! You could even see the pooey, the poo poos." (-6)

-- When Peggy tries to talk to her, Alexis tells her to take a hike. We're glad because we don't really care enough about this ancient drama to see it play out in modern time (+2)

Net gain/loss: -8

Current total: 85

PEGGY (94)

-- Peggy and Alexis are fake-nice to each other at Vicki's party. Better than causing a scene, I guess (+2)

-- Peggy, however, is upset about the tension between her and Alexis. The other ladies say Alexis probably won't get over it, but they encourage Peggy to at least try to talk to Alexis about it (+1)

-- Peggy goes out to find Alexis, who blows her off (-2). Peggy says she wants to focus on her family and that she doesn't want to hang out with these ladies anymore. Smartest thing that's happened on this show in ages. Godspeed, Pegs (+3)

Net gain/loss: +4

Current total: 98

SCORECARD:

Heather: 114

Peggy: 98

Vicki: 96

Gretchen: 88

Alexis: 85

Tamra: 72