Dolphin Tale’s mammance (like a bromance, but among mammals -- I’m sure it will catch on) tells the uplifting true story of the friendship between a boy (Sawyer) and a marine heroine (Winter) with a prosthetic tail. In its lineup are box-office ringers Harry Connick Jr., Ashley Judd, and Morgan Freeman.

Sounds like a warm and fuzzy family film that everyone with a heart will love, right? So why isn’t everyone loving its movie poster? Of course we can’t speak for everyone, and we’re not graphic designers (though we do have a smidge of design experience and respect them, including whoever is behind the DT poster), but we do have eyes that like to look at posters so we think we have a few ideas ... and opinions.

Why can’t I be a real boy, Papa Designer?

It’s not an animated film, so why can’t the poster have a real boy and dolphin? Or even CGI that looks like a real human boy? Are Sawyer’s legs waxy because he’s half mannequin? Why don’t they match the color of the rest of his skin? Does actor Nathan Gamble’s head look like its being swallowed by his awkwardly contorted torso in real life? Does he have scoliosis? He looked fine in the trailer ... and just to confirm, he is a boy, right? Not a boyish woman as his unnaturally elongated body suggests?

Boys don’t wear bathing suits

Why is he swimming in his clothes? I suppose it’s nice they’re blue, and complement the poster’s theme: blue.

Size matters (and layout)

It’s about time Freeman, Judd, and Connick started a jazz band (is it wrong to assume Freeman plays a mean trumpet?)! With Kris Kristofferson ... Wait, what am I looking at again? Let’s see ... giant floating heads ... that could be angels, and then “Inspired by the Amazing True Story of Winter” (a tagline so small it’s probably not important so I won’t really read it), and then I see a smiling dolphin (which scares me a little). What’s the story here? I’m sure the graphic design intern who mocked up the layout had something in mind. Perhaps there were two different versions and no one could agree so they just merged them into one mutant poster?

BTW, in Hollywood is poster head size directly proportional to paycheck size? If so, Freeman got screwed. Why do Harry and the heads get top billing anyway? We know he’s sort of a movie star and a musical genius, but shouldn’t the dolphin-boy glamour shot be the focus, then tagline, and then the some less enormous noggins?

E.T. swim home?

Finally! Cinema that bakes all my favorite themes into one: E.T. the extraterrestrial dolphin and his boy buddy having an underwater “ooouch” moment. I love his magical glowing blow-hole even though I don’t know where the light is coming from -- clearly no sun could filter down past Connick’s giant heed.

Never trust a poster that won’t look you in the eyes

Is Connick too good to gaze directly into the camera like the rest of the cast? Or is he just ashamed to be the front man for Dolphin Tale's poster?

Thoughts, readers? Let us know your take on the Dolphin Tale poster.