"I Knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy Was a Friend of Mine. And You, Greg Kinnear, Are No Jack Kennedy."

Mrs. Tom Cruise has been cast as Mrs. John F. Kennedy in the upcoming History Channel miniseries about the Kennedys, with Greg Kinnear of Baby Mama and The Bad News Bears as JFK. The script has already sparked controversy, with people claiming that producer Joel Surnow, a committed conservative who cries whenever he thinks about Ronald Reagan, is out to take down the Kennedy legacy.

Verdict: This kind of "controversy" is nothing new. Remember when conservatives lost their collective minds about The Reagans in 2003? But no one's asking the important question: will Tom Cruise make a fat-suit cameo as Henry Kissinger?Is Steve Carell too Big for The Office? That's What She Said.

With something like nine movies in preproduction, it looks like Carell is the latest TV actor to make the crossover permanent. At the tail end of a BBC interview shilling Date Night, Carell was asked if he'd come back to The Office after his contract expires next year: "I don't think so. That will probably be my last year."

Verdict: Ricky Gervais and the British Office crew hung it up after just two seasons and one reunion special: fourteen episodes in all. Michael Scott and his single entendres are up to somewhere around 120. Let's face it, it's time.Hef Saves Hollywood Sign!

Just five days before the deadline, Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner donated the last $900,000 of the $12.5 million needed to buy 138 acres of undeveloped land behind the L.A. icon that Howard Hughes bought in the '30s. The sign wasn't in danger of getting bulldozed, but the newly protected land means that cheesy McMansions won't be blocking up the view.

Verdict: Nice to see Hollywood band together to protect one of its most famous symbols, it's just a shame that Hefner tried to talk it into getting bigger Os. Stay natural, baby! Silicone parts are made for toys.

"I Eat Remakes for Breakfast. And Right Now I'm Very Hungry."

1985's Commando, which featured Arnold Schwarzenegger stomping around the jungle slaughtering people with Alyssa Milano and Rae Dawn Chong, paved the way for his big action hits like Raw Deal and Red Heat. Now, right on the heels of its Predator reboot, Fox is firing up a remake with the writer of Training Day at work on a script that will focus more on "covert tactics" than blowing up everything.

Verdict: I think I know a guy who could star. He's not as buff as the last guy, but he's got the accent down, and he's about to be out of a job. I'm pretty sure Alyssa Milano and Rae Dawn Chong are available, too. Casting: done.