Paper or plastic? Cable or Dish Network? Two-ply or three?

There are some questions every man must answer. They define who we are. And now there's a new question: Heidi or Padma?

If you don't know who I'm talking about, then you either live in a cave, or you're a Cosmonaut who's been aboard the International Space Station for the last umpteen years.

I mean, of course, Heidi Klum and Padma Lakshmi, BRAVO TV's hostesses for Project Runway and Top Chef, respectively.

Padma just finished Season Three of Top Chef. Heidi kicks off Season Four of Runway on November 14th. Both are former models. Both know what they're talking about. And both are smokin' hot!

"Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool. Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules."

True, you can watch both shows and enjoy both of these gorgeous women all you want. But a real man has the guts to make a choice: the fashionista or the foodie?

It's no easy decision. Both of these beauties bring a lot to the table. Here's a quick "tale of the tape," so to speak.

Heidi Klum

Profession: Former Supermodel, actress, fashion designer & TV producer

Age: 34

Height: 5'9"

Weight: 120 lbs

Hair: Blonde

Eyes: Hazel

Nationality: German

Status: Married to Seal, that guy who sang "Kiss the Rose" in one of the Batman movies.

Interesting Fact: Admitted to Oprah that she fell for Seal after seeing his "whole package" in his tight shorts.

Padma Lakshmi

Profession: Former model, actress & cookbook author

Age: 37

Height: 5'9"

Weight: 125

Hair: Black

Eyes: Brown

Nationality: Indian

Status: Getting divorced from Salmon Rushdie, that guy who was sentenced to death by the Ayatollah Khomeini for writing The Satanic Verses.

Interesting Fact: Has scar on right arm from a car accident when she was a teenager, which she proudly refuses to cover up.

I admit I fell for Heidi during Season Three of Project Runway. Those sparkling eyes, pretty smile, and adorable accent. Oh, how I swooned when she'd say "auf wiedersehen."

But then I got hooked on Top Chef Season Two, and Padma stole my heart. At first, I thought she was just another pretty face, but she soon showed that she does actually know a thing or two about food. Writing a couple of cookbooks helps I guess.

It didn't help Heidi's cause much that Project Runway airs less frequently. Since the show is pegged around New York's Fashion Week, there is only one season a year. In fact, Top Chef has had nearly two full seasons since the last season of Project Runway.

Maybe that extra exposure has me jaded, but I'm leaning toward Padma. She seems to be more involved in Top Chef than Heidi is in Project Runway. On Top Chef, Padma gives the chef contestants their challenges, checks in on them from time to time during the competition, and takes an active role in the judging. On Project Runway, Heidi gives the designers their challenges, but then seems to disappear for a while, handing the reigns of the show over to Tim Gunn until the judging portion of the program.

Oh, decisions, decisions....

On the other hand, Heidi seems to know more about fashion than Padma does about food. True, Padma has written a couple of cookbooks, but clearly she was brought in to host Top Chef after the first season with Katie Lee Joel (third wife of Billy Joel) didn't quite work out for whatever reason. Heidi isn't just a former model who wore clothes, she designs them now too. And in addition to hosting Project Runway, she hosts Germany's Top Model, the counterpart to the American show, which she co-produces with fellow former supermodel Tyra Banks.

As the knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade said, "Choose wisely."

In the end, I choose Padma. Maybe it's those big brown eyes. Maybe it's because she's going to be single again soon. Maybe it's that she can cook. Or maybe it's just that I know this is all a fantasy and it doesn't matter anyway. Especially since I can watch both shows.

Just don't tell Heidi, okay?

Ethan Morris: "Not always right, but never in doubt." Go ahead and write me.