Scenes From A Trumptatership

Hi, I'm Donald Trump, and I want you to let me be your spud-buddy

Other people have potatoes. But you know what?

They're not Idaho potatoes. I don't even know about other potatoes. You're great, Idaho. Just great. The best. Mashed. Fried. Baked. If you want a potato, you go to Idaho. If you want a Yukon Gold candidate, you vote for Trump. Idaho knows potatoes. Potatoes know presidential material. I know potatoes. I know potatoes love Trump. Potatoes are the best. I’m the best. A vote for Trump is a vote for a potato. These other guys, they don’t even like potatoes.

Little Marco over there looks more like a cauliflower guy. Who even eats that? Not Idaho, that’s who. And Cruz? Cruz? Let me tell you about Cruz. He wouldn’t know a potato if you fried it in front of him. Idaho loves me. I love potatoes. I love me. I’m just great. Great like Idaho potatoes. The best.

No foreign potatoes in American skillets. Not when I’m your president. I’ll build a wall around our grocery stores, and those foreign potatoes are gonna pay for it. It’s just good business. I know good business, like I know potatoes. And I know potatoes love me. They just love me. And I know potatoes. That's why I'm so successful.