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Pretty Little Liars Wants Us To Believe That [SPOILER] Killed Charlotte

"Secrets are getting toxic again. "

Pretty Little Liars has been a bit of a drag lately. It's not that I don't appreciate the character development, or the simmering romance between Caleb and Spencer. And I'm not even asking for the show to deliver a solution to its central mystery. (That will happen at the last minute anyway.) But sooner or later, for the love of Spencer Hastings' bangs, something remotely exciting has to happen.

Sure, PLL will never rank among the great prestige dramas of our time, nor does it have to, but can't it at least be entertaining in its logic-suspending blunders? If it's going to stumble, I want it to stumble spectacularly. So far, all Pretty Little Liars has delivered is a new Big Bad with an emoji obsession. And they're not even the good emojis. They're bargain bin emojis at best.

But I digress. Pretty Little Liars has seemingly lost its mojo at delivering heart-pounding twists and game-changing surprises, and Season 6, Episode 6 ("Where Somebody Waits For Me") didn't do a whole lot to revive it. At one point in the episode Aria tells Emily that their "secrets are getting toxic again." If only that were true. Here are the biggest moments from the episode:

  • Spencer discovers something heartbreaking.
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    For the most part, "Where Somebody Waits For Me" picks up right where last week's episode left off. Spencer and Aria are investigating the gaping hole they found in the middle of Sara's hotel room at The Radley. That hole ultimately leads to a previously walled-off corridor in the sanitarium. There, Team Sparia discovers the remnants of Radley's motivation experiments. It becomes clear what Sara had been looking for when they find a suspiciously dust-free filing cabinet in one of the officers. Sara wants intel on Charlotte, and whatever was in that file brought her closer to the truth.

    Back in the real world, Caleb makes an unsettling discovery on Yvonne's phone: Veronica Hastings' medical records. Aside from the fact that leaking your political opponent's medical records to the press is extremely shady, there was something specific about V's medical history that the other side wanted to expose. Spencer's mom is sick. She has breast cancer.

    Spencer attempts to confront her mom about her health, but she can't seem to face her. She doesn't want to ruin her campaign, to discourage her mother from running. Veronica has been waiting 20 years for this, and she's not going to throw away her shot when some guy threatens to unravel her campaign.

    So, Spencer goes straight to the source: Mona. Per everyone's favorite A, Mona told Yvonne to leave her phone at lunch as a test of Spencer's loyalty. But Mona didn't intend to test Spencer at all; she wanted Spencer to find her mom's medical records and hopefully get ahead of the story before Yvonne leaks the information to the press. Now, that seem nice, right? Exactly. Since when have Mona's motives ever been black or white?

    Caleb isn't convinced with Mona's story, so he gives her a broody warning in an elevator. Mess with Spencer, and you mess with him -- and he will make her life a living hell if he has too. (I'm sadly nostalgic for the days Caleb used to fearlessly protect Hanna's honor like this. Sigh.)

  • Hanna is living in halcyon days.
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    Hanna and Jordan check into a tacky hotel on the outskirts of Rosewood, someplace where the budget champagne is always chilling. They get in a quick hook-up before driving back into the literal hell-mouth that is Rosewood, but their sexy shenanigans didn't go unnoticed by A. In fact, A sends Hanna a message: the longer Jordan stays, the more potential danger he's in. So Hanna does what she does best and pushes him away.

    CUE GUT-WRENCHING HALEB MOMENT. Caleb, the best person in all of Rosewood, t-shirt and all, tells Hanna that it's all going to be okay.

    And then we get the "Haleb in New York City" flashback we've been waiting five episodes for. In it, Hanna and Caleb have an emotionally draining conversation outside of one of Hanna's fancy work parties. He feels uncomfortable by Hanna's new lifestyle. More so, he knows that Hanna is better than it. However, Hanna wants to go back to simpler times, times when they didn't have to work so hard to know what each other was thinking. Those times, it seems, are long gone, as Caleb walks off in the rain, but not before telling Hanna to "never turn into a Cynthia."

    Of course, these sullen dreams of yesteryear were all ruined when Spencer called herself Caleb's girlfriend. Oh well. Back to reality I go.

  • Ali and Dr. Rollins go slow.
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    Ali finally gets her fairy tale romance, not that I think she really deserves one after being the ABSOLUTE WORST for so many seasons, but since happily ever afters are so few and far between in Rosewood, I'm happy for Ali. She did just lose her sister. It's about time something good happened to her, and it also gave us a nice, unexpected scene between Spencer and Ali. Remember when these two hated each other so much that Spencer tried to kill Ali in a drug-induced fever dream? Aww.

    However, I'm not convinced that we know everything there is to know about Dr. Rollins. After all, he might have known Charlotte better than anyone -- she was his patient.

  • Melissa might have killed Charlotte.

    Surprise! We haven't heard the last of Melissa Hastings. When Spencer and Emily confront Ali about what's been going on with all of the toxic lying and threatening messages they've been receiving on the DL, Ali drops a bomb: Charlotte wasn't killed with a golf club. Instead, Ali says the murder weapon was a long piece of hollow metal, cut with a rectangle at the end.

    Later in the episode, Spencer discovers that her sister Melissa's suitcase is broken, and the piece missing from her suitcase handle is (of course) a long piece of hollow metal, cut with a rectangle at the end. Dun dun dunnnn. Melissa Hastings is now suspect numero uno in the death of Charlotte DiLaurentis.

    Aside from that potential herring, "Where Somebody Waits For Me" only gave us one substantial clue. Detective Tanner is investigating a call from a landline that came through to the DiLaurentis' on the night Charlotte was murdered. The call was placed from the Two Crows, and whoever picked up the phone in the DiLaurentis home talked on the phone for three minutes. Who was Charlotte talking to? And does that have anything to do with her murder. It looks like the Liars are going on a field trip!

    Now, for the season's other mystery, Sara Harvey is still the Liars' main suspect for Uber A. She's the one with a suspicious amount of evidence against her, not to mention an entire secret tunnel in her hotel room that leads right to Radley's hidden corridors. That's pretty damn shady. However, I think it's too easy for PLL. I stand by my assessment that Sara Harvey is way too dumb to be A. There's no way in Radley she can pull all that off.

  • Aria is caught in a lie.
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    When Liam comes to Rosewood to check on the status of Ezra's book for himself, Aria gets caught in her own lie. She's been filling in the blanks of Ezra's manuscript and sending the copies to her boss. Kudos to Liam for calling Aria out like that and doing it in a gentle, respectful way. Sure, he loves Aria's additions and her literary prowess, but he still knows that what she's doing won't go over well with their boss.

    Aria's snafu will only get more complicated, as Ezra delivered his final manuscript to her in the episode's final moments. Uh-oh. It's only a matter of time between A gets in on this mess.