Growing up and moving on from first love in no way guarantees that the green-eyed monster won't come crawling out of hiding whenever you find out s/he has gotten with someone new -- especially now that social media offers all the deets on Mr./Ms. Perfect right there on your phone at all hours of the night. Because it will. And it'll probably be pretty gutting.

For Marian Bull, that's exactly what happened to her, but instead of the hilariously emotional laugh-cry moment being relegated to the vault, it's gone viral. Because the internet giveth (in this case, private details) and the internet taketh away (also privacy).

Yep, when Marian found out her former high school love got a new girlfriend, she of course started trolling the girl's Facebook page at once, and that's when her friend Hallie started recording her first-glimpse assessment of the new girl, and we're sure glad she did because it is completely relatable and entertaining.

Thanks to this instant classic YouTube experience, we now have a new series of observational remarks to add to the library like so:

"It’s like her skin is made of silk and it has little sun rays woven into it ... It’s like there’s always good light around her."

"She makes really mediocre watercolor paintings."

"She’s a model. And I’m just sitting here in my sh-tty apartment. Our heat doesn’t even work. I bet her heat works. She lives in California; she doesn’t even need it."

For what it's worth, Marian has since retracted her comment about the middling nature of the GF's paintings, and she hopes her newfound internet fame might bring her a new boyf (so her ex-love, who she definitely thinks'll see the video, womp, can return the favor in a sequel? Please?).

H/T Seventeen