It's a metaphor, she says, but it's based in truth; the world, full of sexism and gender-based violence, is not always a welcoming place to women and girls.
As Newman-Evans works through her list of advice, she explores the complicated realities of womanhood for the hypothetical teen girl audience -- how the business of bodies and beauty and comparison games bog down even the youngest among us. She puts these things squarely in the category of "S--t that's trying to kill you."
"The best hairstyle is one that helps you get out of bed in the morning. The best brand of makeup is one that sharpens a knife for you. The best brand of denim is one that fits and goes with your combat boots," Newman-Evans says. "Wear whatever you want, look however you want, you know who can f--k themselves if they don't like it? Everyone."
She brings it home to one of best parts of being a teenage girl: You have other teenage girls around you. While celebrations of "sisterhood" tend to sound like hokey platitudes, there's something powerful in knowing that you can "hold up" your sisters.
Newman-Evans' nine tips bring us back to that scary OG truth: The world may be trying to kill you, but you're not in it alone -- and you've got a mission of your own:
Watch the full poem here: