Mark Zuckerberg Needs To Learn The Cardinal Rule Of The Internet — Don't Read The Comments

You'll never win, Mark, you sweet summer child.

What does an uber-rich Internet mogul like Mark Zuckerberg have in common with your estranged great aunt? Likely their shared inability to obey the single most important rule of the Internet: Don't read the comments.

Zuckerberg's big announcement earlier this week that he will give away 99 percent of his Facebook shares garnered thousands of Facebook comments -- from congratulatory (about the baby and the charity and the altruism stuff) to accusatory (that it's all some big tax evasion scheme).

What's a man who is arguably responsible for modern Internet culture to do when faced with droves of criticism and accolades? A. Carry on with his (probably busy) life as a new father and high profile public figure, or B. painstakingly respond to countless comments and face down his haters individually?

Spoiler: He chose option B.

We'll admit some of the replies are cute (if a little TMI).

via Facebook

But between the friendly talk about diaper changes, charity and fatherhood with the likes of Melinda Gates and Shakira, he's also giving commenters a quick 'n dirty economics lessons. (Yikes.)

via Facebook

As any Internet-native knows, his efforts are likely for naught and will ultimately end in frustration or tears. You'll never win, Mark, you sweet summer child.

In conclusion:


H/T @mattyglesias.