Ultimate Fan Marries 'Doctor Who'

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In yet another example of how Geeks sometimes take their fandoms to extremes, one Oregon woman is marrying "Doctor Who."

When pressed about which of the eleven Doctors she would be marrying in May, Sheree Kaputz responded: "All of them. I'm marrying the entire series."

Sheree is part of a Geek subculture that seeks to become "one" with their fandom in the most complete way possible. Not content with body pillows or custom-made plushies, this group, known on Tumblr as Fans Ultimate (#FU), seek complete immersion in the favorite TV show, movie, book, or anthropomorphic Japanese stationary mascot of their choice. Some take apart collectible action figures and swallow each piece individually (the "Hannibals"), others implant silicon-laminated pictures of their fave characters under their skin in an attempt to be with them "forever and a day."

And yet others, like Sheree Kaputz, "marry" aspects of their fandom...or all of it.

"There has been a woman in Australia who has also married all of 'Doctor Who,' I believe...but I am the first to include 'Sarah Jane Adventures,' the Red Nose skits, and that Russell T. Davies Tribute. Also, I have put in a retroactive clause in our vows covering anything I might have missed through unintential ignorance."

Quizzed as to whether her marriage also includes the "Daleks" movies from the 1960s, Kaputz suddenly became alightly belligerent.

"NOT CANON! NOT CANON! DESTROY! DESTROY!"

The Kaputz case begs the question: who would perform a legal marriage ceremony between a human being and a television series? Enter Franck Jean-Baptiste Ferrari, pastor at the Unificarian Church Of The Moist Sepulchre.

"I'm a whore, basically," admitted Ferrari.

Are YOU a Fan Ultimate? Drop us a line, we'd love to exploit your mental illness for hits interview you about your unique view of the world.

DISCLAIMER: This has been an April Fools "news" article written for humorous purposes; any resemblance to fans living, dead, or hopelessly insane is entirely unintentional. 

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