‘Jersey Shore’ By The Numbers: Bitches, Lady Parts And Guy Shopping

Don’t you dare sit there and tell us “Jersey Shore” ain’t educational! Thursday night’s (January 6) premiere episode delivered us an etymological lesson we’re happy to have learned.

See, last year Snooki let loose with a slang word for her lady parts, and after an exhaustive six minutes of nearly MTV News team-wide research, we came to a conclusion about the proper way to spell the bon mot: “cuca.” But on last night’s episode, as the show tossed to commercial, a bumper graphic scrolled across the screen with the word, “kooka.” And so we stand corrected, Snooks. We’ll never besmirch your, um … well anyway, on with 2011’s first edition of “Jersey Shore by the Numbers”!

New cast member Deena Nicole Cortese immediately announced herself as a wordsmith to watch, with the casual introduction of “guy shopping” (i.e. to creep for dudes) to the reality hit’s esteemed lexicon. When the crew wasn’t shouting their happiness to be returning to Seaside Heights, New Jersey after a trip south to Miami, they were making fun of Vinny’s shower caddy (“You never heard of a shower caddy, dawg?”), laughing about Deena’s exposure of her kooka and arguing over who picked which room (consensus: Ronnie and Sammi — not cool for you two lovebirds to take a room with three beds).

But no exchange of words compared to the episode-ending bitchfest. In one corner: Sam, Ron and a season’s worth of bitterness. In the other corner: Snooki, JWoww, Deena and a little too much vodka. Things did not end well. In fact, they did not end at all, as the episode came to a close with Sam and JWoww attempting to scratch each other’s eyes out. The takeaway? “Bitch” is a dangerous word, and the “Shore” kids might want to employ in less than, oh, 27 times next week.

What was your favorite line from the latest episode of “Jersey Shore”? Let us know in the comments!

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