Tonight, the greatest show in the entire world (Seriously. It’s the greatest show in the ENTIRE WORLD!) kicks off its fourth season. And since the premiere will be packed with vampires, transformations and possessions galore, Hollywood Crush thought it’d be a good idea to remind all you faithful, fabulous readers of the top five things you should be aware of before heading back to Mystic Falls. With the power invested in me (by nobody in particular), here’s what you should know:
1. Everybody thinks Klaus is dead
That is, everybody except for Bonnie. If you remember, homegirl desiccated that haughty hybrid using some scary-ass dark magic, rendering him immobile. But, lo and behold, nothing is at it seems. For Bonnie pulled a Greta (I really like saying that; do you think it’ll catch on? Like, the next time I find some really hot, really freaky vampire guy who wants me to stick him in somebody else’s body, I’ll be pulling a Greta! Because that happens so much!) and magicked (I’m just a regular Joyceian today) Klaus into Tyler’s body! So Klaus is alive and kicking it in TYLER’S BODY! THIS IS A BIG DEAL because Bonnie did this to save her pals; everyone is still alive! Because if Klaus were really dead, everyone would probably be dead! Because he is most likely the originator of our favorite vampires’ bloodlines! And when an Original dies, so does his entire bloodline! The real question: Why do our favorite characters really believe that Klaus is dead? I mean, I know they’ll figure it out in like the first six minutes of the premiere, but c’mon! And, what’s Tyler’s deal? Obviously he is still alive (which I’m going to stop trying to figure out, because honestly this mythology ain’t making no sense.) But since Klaus is all sweet on Caroline, he is TOTALLY going to take advantage of this new development.
2. Elena chose Stefan
You really didn’t need to be reminded of that, because it’s 100 percent obvious, but yeah. Stefan went all psycho ripper for a while, but he got back to his boring self and Elena chose him. Despite the fact that she’s made out with Damon (twice!). Which was super, super awesome, if I do say so myself. But in choosing Stefan, she told Damon that things might have been different if she had met him first. Which (prepare to have your mind blown!) she did. Seriously. Mere minutes before Stefan saved her from drowning before the series opened, Elena met Damon. It was awesome. But he compelled her to forget. And now she’s going to remember! Because…
3. Elena’s a vampire!
Well, not yet, but she’s going to be. In the season finale, Matt and Jeremy cooked up some really bad, unsupernatural plan to get Elena away from all of the dangerous, supernatural shenanigans she was entangled in. Which is really pointless, because she’s Elena Gilbert. And the doppelganger. (Which we still need to know more about! SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!) Meaning that, by definition, her very being is supernatural. Anyway, Matt was driving her over Wickery Bridge, and the producers decided to get poetic with parallels. Rebekah, furious and lost because she believed her brother Klaus was dead, stood in the middle of the road, forcing Matt to drive off the bridge to avoid her. (Could they not tell it was her? Because vampires don’t die from car crashes, yo! They’re like practically indestructible. This whole plot point could’ve been avoided! Yeah…) So Elena and Matt fell into the water, and Stefan came to save the day, not dissimilar from when Elena and her parents crashed into the water. Just as Elena’s father motioned for Stefan to save Elena first, Elena motioned for her man to save Matt first. Which he did. And when he came back for Elena, she was already dead. With vampire blood in her system. Because the episode or so before, she suffered a secret brain hemorrhage that Meredith Fell healed with Damon’s blood, which she told no one about. So Stefan brought her up to the surface and woke up gasping for air, all ready for her transition.
4. Alaric’s dead
I guess nothing’s really that important after ELENA BECOMING A FREAKING VAMPIRE, but we bade goodbye to our dear Alaric, of alcoholic-weird-pseudo-Gilbert-father-vampire-hunting-fame. Esther, the Original Witch, had turned him into Mikael 2.0, a vampire to kill all vampires, in order to take out the Originals, and thus, knock out all vampires for good. She tied his life to Elena’s, so that when she died, he would, too. And since Elena died earlier than expected (but if you watch the show, you’d know that she was totally going to have to become a vampire sooner or later, so it’s not that unexpected at all, actually) Alaric died, too. RIP, Alaric Saltzman. RIP.
5. Katherine’s still MIA.
Ha! I totally snuck Katherine in there. And the producers have snuck her in somewhere else. Where? I don’t know. I don’t know where she is. WHERE IS SHE? TELL ME! SHOW ME! Now that both doppelgangers are vampires, fun times can totally ensue! BRING HER BACK! BRING HER BACK!
So, I kind of cheated; five was more like 25. But there’s way too much stuff going on, and I want you all to feel prepared. There’s more, too, but we can go over it tomorrow in our episode recap! What a glorious, glorious night it will be.
Are you FREAKING OUT with COMPLETE EXCITEMENT over tomorrow’s premiere? Are there other things everyone should know that I didn’t choose to include? What do you think will happen this season? When’s Elijah coming back? Did you read any cool spoilers? Fill us in! In the comments, on Twitter, on Facebook, through dark magic…whatever. Just make sure you’re heard!