Does Pepper Spray Need A Glamorous Makeover?

BlingSting is a thing.
Photo: Courtesy of BlingSting

We get press releases of varying utility all day at MTV Style. Some are helpful and exciting and others are ill-conceived to the point of seeming like dispatches from lunatic space aliens attempting to lay a trap. The following is an imagined conversation during a fictitious meeting that took place between the revolutionary thinkers behind BlingSting, a bedazzled pepper spray.

Dude 1: Gentlemen, my team and I called this ideation meeting to discuss the future of safety for all women who we know and love every day. Picture this: I’m a chick, I’m pre-gaming with my girlfriends. I look good. I smell GREAT. I had a couple dranks. I’m totally gonna smang it. I’m wearing one of those tight dresses but with sequins and, like, only one sleeve, and as I’m leaving my house, I want to be responsible and pack my pepper spray, but I don’t because it’s such a *air quotes* fugly buzzkill.

Dude 2: Did you know that every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted and that iPhone robbery is on the rise? Doesn’t the fashionista in your life deserve protection that doesn’t cramp her style? I believe, truly, that it’s high time we re-introduce glamour into the self defense market—bring sexy back—so to speak.

Dude 1: We believe that chicks, rather girls, or, uh, ladies want to do the right thing and bring their personal security spray with them but are dissuaded by the ugly packaging. What if it, for example, doesn’t match the case of your iPhone 5? Or else, isn’t your signature color? The way I see it, if your Twitter handle is FuchsiaGURL98 we’re not going to FORCE YOU to carry defense spray in a boring black leather holster.

You should see what this girl’s tampons look like.
Photo: Courtesy of BlingSting

Dude 2: We present to you a personal, self defense spray that is as fabulous as it is functional. Plus, it comes in a variety of colors—black and white but also pink and red. We just need a name. Lisa, you’re a girl, spitball me.

Lisa: Thanks for asking. *stands up and begins to pace* So, I may only be a recent graduate of a top-notch Ivy League university and the youngest in this room by a margin of about three years, but I think this idea is ROBUST. I feel that the addition of crystals is a real game-changer. I think we could build some really killer organic editorial around it for a holiday delivery. The advertising experience on mobile is going to be SO native and device agnostic.

Dude 1: Exactly! *karate chops the air* Chicks dig gifts. And they love giving presents to each other all the time. This is a perfect stocking stuffer for your girlfriend, your mom, sister, grandmother… Anyone who you can imagine being attacked.

Woman 1 (not Lisa): So wait, it’s mace that has shiny crap glued to it?

Dude 2: Wow. Your cynicism right now hurts my heart. First of all, it’s not mace. We don’t say mace. It’s OC or self-defense spray. Second of all, it’s not shiny crap, it’s BRAND NAME scintillating crystalline morsels in various colors with a sweetheart cut out. So…

Woman 1 (not Lisa): How is this different from the spray that comes in pearlescent tubes that look like lipstick?

Lisa: I’ll take this guys… I think you answered yourself in your own question. They’re wholly unrelated. And don’t get me started on the hazards of reaching into your pocketbook for a lipstick and accidentally spraying yourself with OC in the face.

Woman 1 (not Lisa): Yeah, that would never happen. Also, what woman says pocketbook?

Dude 2: With all due respect, I think you should leave if you’re not going to display a team-building attitude.

Woman 1 (not Lisa): Oh, thank God. *leaves*

Someone get this on a welcome mat.
Photo: Courtesy of BlingSting

Dude 1: So, we just need a name. We feel that high-function she-products suffer from a lack of imagination in naming.

Dude 2: It definitely has to have “bling” in it. It tests really high. It’s why we have the bedazzling in the first place. The popularity is through the roof. We learned so much from the Vajazzling trend that dominated the European market in a poll of The Sun readers.

Lisa: I’ve got it! BlingSting. Bling for the beautiful encasement. Sting for the burn that comes inside. It’s a play off that movie The Bling Ring.

Dude 1: Oh, yeah, from Francis Ford Coppola’s kid. That’s brilliant, Lisa. Legendary.

Dude 2: Awesome. Lisa, do me a solid, and just get me 7 more names of the exact same caliber and timeliness to me by lunch. I’d love to present the board with some options.

Dude 1: Oh, and also, Lisa, let’s definitely have you tip in when we discuss the metallic hair extension that can be used to garrote intruders. We’re thinking ombré, but we’re unsure.

Dude 2: Great idea! Man, we’re UNSTOPPABLE when we brainstorm. *everybody high fives*

Photo: Courtesy of BlingSting

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