Nick Offerman — AKA Ron F’n Swanson — Improves The Golden Popcorn

By Joel Hanek

Much like Clark Kent and Superman, there’s not much of a difference between Nick Offerman and his internet demi-god alter-ego Ron Swanson — in fact, the “Parks and Rec” star owns and operates his very own successful woodworking shop.

With the 2013 MTV Movie Awards only a month away, we’d be remiss if we didn’t get the expert consultation on the signature Golden Popcorn trophy from the mustachioed dead-pan craftsman. Offerman, who swung by the MTV Studios promoting his new indie flick “Somebody Up There Likes Me”, had some first impressions:

“It feels like my jeans are growing uncomfortably tight — woah, that is turgid.”

An excellent euphemism and vocabulary word all rolled into one. Upon further examination, Offerman analyzed the make-up of the Movie Awards trophy. “It doesn’t really have a scent. It’s made of a metal and probably some sort of plastic composite that looks like porcelin… I might send along a few notes.”

So how would the man who is Ron Swanson improve on the prized Popcorn?

“Well, I’d start with a lignum vitae base and turn that on the lathe, I’d say maybe an American Cherry container. And instead of [the golden popcorn], I’d go to Garrett Popcorn in Chicago and fill this will their cheese and carmel popcorn mix. It’s better than gold.”

So if anyone wants to be build the wooden Popcorn goblet based off of Mr. Offerman’s specs, please let us know. To hear Nick’s hilarious would-be acceptance speech in which he is both grateful and deprecates on the show, check out the video below.

And if none of that appeals to you, his angelic giggle is reason enough to watch.