Screw Brody! Ride or die.
It’s still so fresh in our minds: the Prince of Malibu watching longingly as The Queen of “Laguna Beach” heads off
into the sunset a Hollywood sound stage, signaling the end to one of the most popular MTV shows of all time, but catching “Hills” fans completely off guard with the “set” reveal, and leaving a gnawing question (What was actually REAL???) that still lingers ’til this day. Damn you, Adam DiVello!
So maybe the term “reality TV” didn’t perfectly apply to “The Hills,” but our utter devotion to the series’ every twist, turn and memorable one-liner remained true the whole way through. From Heidi and LC’s “You’re a sucky person!” argument to Lo’s re-naming of Justin to Justin Bobby, we were certainly never at a loss for blog material! And now that MTV will be airing an alternate version of the finale on August 9 (at the conclusion of its RetroMTV Brunch marathon), our creative juices are flowing. Will Lauren Conrad return? Will Kristin and Brody share a full-on lip-lock? Or maybe Justin will burp a beautiful goodbye as his send-off to Audrina? The possibilities are endless, so we dreamed up a few of our own. Check ’em out and leave your own predictions in the comments!
LC and Kristin go all “Thelma and Louise.”
Instead of flying off to (cough) “Europe,” Kristin picks up LC at her house in a stretch limo. Lauren, carrying two fabulous Louis Vuitton suitcases, breezes out the front door, enters the car and gives Kristin a double air kiss. “Let’s roll,” K-Cav says to the driver, before putting on her signature aviators and rolling down the tinted windows. With their sun-kissed tresses and Hermes scarves blowing in the wind, the secret BFFs ride off down the picturesque Pacific Coast Highway, quietly giggling to themselves.
Speidi are actually robot puppeteers.
Rather than panning out to a sound stage, the camera shifts to a control room with all sorts of weird gizmos. There, we see Speidi watching it all go down on multiple screens — Lo moving in with her boyfriend, Audrina blankly staring off into the distance — hitting buttons and pulling levers while laughing maniacally. Suddenly, Heidi freezes, mid-cackle. “Honey, you forgot to charge your battery again,” says the irritated Spencer-bot.
Stephen returns, sweeps LC off her feet and they flee to France.
Stephen shows up at LC’s doorstep with a baguette and wearing a beret, and tells her she’s always been the one and that they should spend the rest of their lives together riding tandem bicycles and eating crepes in the most romantic city in the world. LC jumps into his arms, relieved that she will finally make it to Paris.
Justin Bobby returns, sweeps Audrina off her feet, and they ride his motorcycle to Vegas for a quickie wedding.
Audrina always deserved a better ending than staring off into space on her balcony. How about, instead, JB shows up on his hog, grinning that wicked grin of his, and PROPOSES. “Wanna get hitched?” he simply says, and that’s all Audrina needs — not even a ring — to hop on board and ride like the wind to the chapel.
Justin Bobby and Kristin move to a sloth farm in Costa Rica.
Kristin and JB always had a special, earthy connection, so after leaving Brody high and dry, she races off to the airport, where — instead of flying to Europe — she gets on the next flight to Costa Rica. A dread-locked Justin is waiting for her on a plot of land surrounded by sloths and monkeys, and Kristin immediately rips off her Versace shift, changes into a tie-dye tee and gets to work. “Let’s never return to Los Angeles,” she tells Justin, who wipes away a single happy tear rolling down his cheek and nods.
Whitney returns for an epic East vs. West showdown. Here’s how it would play out:
INT: KRISTIN’S GOODBYE PARTY
(Whitney enters with her all black-clad, fashionista NYC posse.)
Whitney: The Hills have gotten, like, sooo lame ever since I left for New York. The East Coast is back and taking over, bitches.
Kristin: Not on my watch, honey! (The two girls lunge at each other.)
Whitney (While ripping out Kristin’s extensions): Back east, we have real hair.
Kristin: Oh yeah? Well here in L.A. we have real tans, you pasty c**t!
(The scuffle escalates, with both groups of friends fighting “Anchorman“-style behind Whitney and Kristin. Whitney’s stiletto heels fly off as Kristin pins her down, one tragically stabbing Stephanie Pratt in the eye. Brody quietly scrambles away. Kelly Cutrone, who, up until this point has hung back, whips out her martial arts skills and wastes the entire room.)
Kelly: That’s how we do in New York City.
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