So, OK, intellectually, we completely understand that Kristen Wiig is much too busy as an actress, writer, and comedienne to start a side business called "Wiig's Wigs" so that she can share her hairstyles with the world.

Emotionally, though? Cannot. Handle.

Because Kristen Wiig is a beautiful angel descended from hair heaven, and shouldn't the rest of us have a chance to experience this magic? Please? One perfect ponytail is all I ask.

Over the years, Kristen has proved that she can carry literally any color, cut, or style -- and whether it's because she takes her status as a hair icon seriously or just because she's easily bored, she's constantly changing things up. So, in honor of Kristen's birthday, we've assembled this gallery of all her best coifs.

Remember when Kristen rocked long, bleach-blonde waves better than Britney?

Her Academy Awards look: pure Old Hollywood hair glam.

Sorry, Zooey: Kristen did it better.

Shiny locks and a subtle red sheen were the highlight of her Golden Globes presentation with Will Ferrell.

Were minions required to achieve this perfect flat-iron job?

No wonder Walter Mitty was all about Kristen's Cheryl Melhoff -- just look at her on-point blowout.

NBD, just nailing the casual cool-girl pony.

Kristen's "Bridesmaids" character might have gone through some shizz, but her hair game never suffered.

This simple updo has exactly the right amount of flyaway to keep it from looking severe.

Gilly might've been a little sociopath, but her fro'n'bow was choice.

Ooooh, ravishing in a classic red.

Or a deep, rich auburn.

This pin-straight look is very posh.

Of course Kristen can ombre like a boss.

We've never seen the actress in a real pixie crop, but this is close enough to show how great she'd look in one.

Do we spy a little splash of punky pink in this pic? I THINK SO. AND I LIKE IT.

To quote an entirely different movie: Kristen looks so good with blonde hair and black roots, it's not even funny.

Is it possible to die of someone else's cute topknot? Asking for a [dead].

We love the Wiig in this perfect blunt bob.

Leave it to Kristen to make a person look at this midwest mom perm and think, "Hmmm. Should I?"

The 1960s called, and they don't want this look back, because it looks that good on her.

Absolutely killing it with the cropped waves and side sweep.

And of course, as a hair expert, Kristen always knows the right style to hide your flaws. Like, oh, say, a high forehead.