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I Went To Brunch With Ariana Grande's Dog

Brunch will never be the same.

As you probably know, Toulouse Grande, Ariana Grande’s two-year-old chihuahua mix, has landed a fashion campaign with Coach alongside Lady Gaga’s French Bulldog Asia and Miranda’s Kerr’s pooch Frankie.

Ariana posted his long-awaited modeling debut to her Instagram with the following caption:

sooooo I wasn't kidding.@coach #coachpups I'm so incredibly excited to have my lil baby Toulouse starring in the Coach Pups campaign and to partner with Coach in efforts to protect pups from cruelty and harm, a cause most near and dear to my heart. So thankful to@Coach for their generous donation to NKLA, a Best Friends Animal Society Initiative to make LA the nation’s largest no-kill city by 2017. proud of my babe, Toulouse-y goosessss. from rescue to runway!!! I love you with all my heart.

In honor of his induction into the world of fashion, Toulouse hosted a pup-filled brunch that was as lively as the host himself, and I was lucky enough to be present. This is my story.

As I walked in, I was unsure if I should walk across the grass-carpet in front of the Coach step-and-repeat. At the time, there were no dogs on the grass, but there was a fire hydrant, and TBH, there was no way I could be entirely sure of what had gone down before I arrived.

I took no chances and wiggled through a group of not-dogs (people) and made my way to a table of food I quickly realized was for fancy animals and not me.

Later, I saw a Pomeranian peeing on the grass and felt rightfully vindicated.

Toulouse is much bigger and barkier in person. I guess that's just how you have to be to make it to the top. While he was literally barking at other, lesser dogs over on the green carpet, I locked eyes with a sharply dressed French Bulldog who, if my eavesdropping serves me, is named Walter and is also officially the love of my life (UPDATE: This is Walter and he is perfect).

For those who follow me on Snapchat and saw the 10-second still photo of him and thought, "Why is this 10 seconds long?" PLZ CHILL.

Very quickly, I realized that my human presence was not important. This was a fancy ass brunch for fancy ass dogs. People were nothing but an afterthought, and it's fine. I get it.

There was an artist drawing portraits of the pups that managed to sit on the chair long enough, a dog masseuse, and a bevy of Coach accessories for people to dress up their dogs in. But what if the dog pees in that expensive bag, you ask? Doesn't. Matter.

At one point, a French Bulldog named Oscar threw up in the middle of the floor, prompting multiple people to clean it up while he walked away like he didn't know what had just happened when he knew full well what had just happened. In that brief moment, Oscar was living my dream.

The most notable guest (Toulouse is the host, not a guest) was Toast, the internet-famous dog whose tongue is always out of her mouth, making her look cute as hell at all times. Not only is she adorable AF, but she is also kind. If she's about to fall off the small platform that she was asked to eat her food off of, she doesn't make it a thing. Very professional. I get Toast now. (Also, I heard she modeled for Karen Walker before, so this probably isn't her first pup brunch.)

A couple of things you should know about Toulouse: 1) Toulouse knows how to work a room. He greeted every guest, posed for pictures, and was still able to fit in a decent massage. I assume his ability to balance multiple things at once was passed down to him by his mom.

2) Toulouse effing loves Pitbull (the person, not the dog). When the smooth stylings of Mr. Worldwide came out of the speakers, Toulouse's grandma Joan danced over with him exclaiming, "Pitbull's on! He loves Pitbull!" to which Toulouse's people echoed the sentiment saying, "Oh yea, he loves Pitbull." Now you know that if you want to get in with Toulouse, you just need to turn up your favorite Pitbull jam or the 2013 animated movie "Epic."

I'm glad I've been able to experience a dog brunch, and Toulouse's has definitely set the bar high for all dog/regular people brunches to come. I'm also happy I was able to be in the presence of Toulouse before he reaches Kendall Jenner-levels of fashion fame. I mean, Coach is already calling him the next pupstar.